Do As I Say, Not As I Do

 

 

Have you ever had a parent or other authority figure who said to you, “Do as I say, not as I do?” How did you react to the statement? Did it sound odd to you? Did you follow their words or did you follow their actions?

 

Statements directing a person to follow someone’s words instead of their actions are very confusing to them, especially if they are children. By nature children learn by mimicking other people’s behavior. This tendency to mimic the actions of others carries over into adulthood. As a result, when someone’s words contradict their behavior, it creates subconscious confusion for the people around them. Since their words contradict human nature, their words often don’t have the desired effect.

 

An Example

 

Let’s take an example. Perhaps a single parent goes out and parties on the weekend. The parent smokes, drinks, and stays out all night. This same parent has strict rules on dating and tell their teenage child that they should not be sexually active, drink, or smoke. When questioned by the child as to why it’s okay for the parent but not for them, the parent replies, “Do as I say, not as I do.” This phrase is a standard response that the child has heard over and over.

 

The Parent

 

First, let’s go into the parent’s head. The parent doesn’t want their child to do the things that they do, but they are not willing to give them up. The parent may even have been told that their behavior is not appropriate by family, friends, or a cultural belief. Yet, they continue the behavior believing that telling their children not to follow their example makes it acceptable.

 

The parent is attempting to connect their child with a different behavior than they are demonstrating. Meanwhile, they are denying the connection between their behavior and the behavior their child is likely to demonstrate.

 

The Child

 

Now, let’s go into that teenager’s head. Consciously or subconsciously, the child notices that the parent drinks, smokes, and sleeps around. They also know that the parent denies or downplays their actions by stating the preferred behavior. This may appear somewhat like a lie to the child. Their brain works to sort out this information since it is contrary to their nature.

 

The resulting behavior of the teenager depends a lot on the child’s nature. Some children will listen to what the parent tells them to do and follow those instructions out of a sense of duty to the parent. However, others will connect the parent’s behavior and words to conclude that it is okay to smoke, drink, and sleep around as long as you tell others that is not the way to behave. This means that the child may fall into the same pattern with younger siblings or may behave this way with their own children. Meanwhile a teenager with another temperament may simply see the parent as lying about their actions and conclude that they don’t have to listen to the parent at all. Instead, they do anything they want whenever they want.

 

Bottom Line

 

The bottom line is that you set an example for others with your actions. Therefore, your words might as well match your actions. If your words match your actions, you will minimally be seen as authentic even if your actions are not always ideal.

 

Losing focus on intent

 

I watched a Facts of Life episode the other day where Jo, a college student representing students at a school board meeting, was upset that the college didn’t have the funds to support new scholarships. At the same meeting, the chairperson of the board was thrilled to announce that an alumnus had just offered funds to build an expensive new scoreboard for the football stadium. All the attendees, except Jo, were excited to have the opportunity to purchase a new scoreboard. Meanwhile, most of them seemed quite indifferent to the lack of funds for new scholarship.

 

Scholarships First

 

Jo believed scholarships should be funded before a scoreboard, which she viewed as unnecessary. She could have requested that the school approach the alumus to request that the funds be directed to scholarships. However, she became focused on rejecting the scoreboard leading a campus-wide campaign to against it.

 

Under great political pressure and with the approval of the contributing alumnus, the school board chair proposed a compromise where the funds for the scoreboard would be split between a less expensive scoreboard and scholarships. Neither side would receive 100% of what they wanted, but they both would benefit. Jo, however, refused to compromise.

 

No Compromise

 

Jo had lost focus on the intention of getting scholarship funding. Instead, she was focused on refusing any new scoreboard at all. Her refusal to compromise forced the board to reject the donation entirely in order to retain other donations that had been threatened due to the controversy. As a result, the school would receive no new scoreboard and no additional scholarship money.

 

Jo was excited that she had been able to stop the scoreboard until Blair, Jo’s friend, pointed out to Jo that her perceived win was actually a loss. At that point, Jo realized her mistake. She also recognized that she had to apologize to the students who had put their faith in her to do the right thing for them. And, she had to grovel to the chairperson in hopes it wasn’t too late to accept the proposed compromise.

 

Lost Focus

 

Jo had become obsessed with the scoreboard, which really had nothing to do with her original intent. Such obsessions can happen to all of us. Our minds make associations between two things, but sometimes the associations don’t really exist or don’t exist in the manner that we perceive them.

 

The more obsessed we are with a particular outcome, the less likely we will be receptive to compromise. Sometimes we lose our ability to see clearly. This may lead to conflict that has no possible resolution. Therefore, becoming obsessed with something not really connected to your intent often results in nothing but stress and frustration.

 

Be Open To Alternatives

 

The next time you feel like there is one and only one solution take a break and rejuvenate yourself before coming back to the topic. Make sure you are open to hearing alternatives. One or more of these alternatives may result in a win-win for everyone, even if it means some compromise.

 

synchronous thoughts

 

Synchronous Thoughts

 

Have you ever noticed multiple people or companies having the same idea at approximately the same time? A famous example of synchronous thoughts is the development of the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell and Elisha Gray developed a telephone independent of each other.  However, they submitted patent applications for the telephone to the U.S. Patent Office on the same day.

 

The same or similar ideas arriving at the patent office close together is not uncommon. This is why the patent office added a requirement that inventors document when they initially conceive of an idea. Otherwise, it was simply a race to arrive at the patent office first.

 

My Experience

 

Having the same ideas as others is a normal experience for me. I’ve had numerous ideas that popped into my head that became commercial products or were patented by others within a few years. Ring (home security system) is such an example. Several years ago, I had the idea of using web cams, which could alert your cell phone, to monitor your home security. Today, the Ring system has a solution that is very much aligned with my idea.

 

Having seen similar ideas show up at approximately the same time many times, makes me wonder why this occurs. Some of these coincidences can be explained by a market need. In this case, multiple people expand the use of known concepts and technologies to create products and solutions.

 

How Do You Explain That?

 

There are other concepts, however, that seem to pop-up around the world seemingly without an explanation. Pyramids, for example, exist in different parts of the world. They vary in structure, but are overall very similar. Yet, there is no explanation as to how these massive structures were conceived by several independent civilizations that are believed to have had no means to communicate with each other.

 

Clearly there is something more at work here than people sharing ideas or evolving existing ideas into something new. Whatever is the source of this phenomenon, one of the purposes it serves or side effects of it appears to be injecting ideas into society.

 

Bringing Thoughts To Life

 

Once a thought originates somewhere in the Universe, the ideas take on a life of its own wandering through the consciousness until people act upon it. Even people that simply think about the idea are unknowingly assisting in making it a reality as their thoughts are blowing life into it. Eventually, the energy is overpowering and someone takes a risk and acts upon the idea to make it a reality.

 

Just think, if we all shared our ideas with the world immediately and openly and the world was willing to listen and act, so much more would be able to be achieved. Inevitably the world would become a better place.

 

Memory Triggers

 

 

Have you ever saw, smelled, or heard something that triggered a memory from a long time ago? I watched a movie the other night that included a scene about a high school student losing her grandmother. It reminded me of losing my grandmother when I was thirteen. I recalled the day after my grandmother’s funeral when I returned to school. A friend asked where I was the day before. I told him that I had attended my grandmother’s funeral. He insisted I was lying.

 

I found it odd that a friend would think that I lied about losing my grandmother. This is when I realized that not all people my age had lost loved ones. They were likely blessed with having their parents as well as all four of their grandparents living.

 

Death Was Familiar To Me

 

It was different for me. My father’s mother, who had just passed, was the last of my living grandparents. Plus, I had already lost my father seven years earlier. So, death was a familiar experience for me. It seemed, however, it was unfamiliar to my friend.  

 

The Right Trigger

 

This seemingly benign incident has stuck with me for many years. All it took was the right trigger for me to remember it.

 

It’s not uncommon for us to remember something from the past that would otherwise be long forgotten when a current event provides the right stimulus. Sometimes recollection of a memory results in a simple reaction of recognition. However, many times these recollections bring up emotions – both positive and negative. Sometimes, these “forgotten” memories are the source behind a person’s current day issues.

 

It is fascinating how our minds hold onto memories from so long ago and how they unconsciously can affect us today. Even memories that don’t have significance on the surface can have a lasting impact on our well-being long into the future.

 

Responding To Memories

 

As you experience past memories that may spontaneous arise, recognize them. If they are pleasant, welcome them. If they are negative, give yourself permission to release any negative emotions associated with that memory. Releasing guilt, fear, and other negative emotions can be a great healing experience. Don’t forget to be thankful for the experience and to forgive all involved, including yourself.

 

 

 

In the previous article “Don’t Stop Believing”, I wrote about my belief in past lives and experiences that reconfirmed that belief. Having studied the topic extensively, I have learned of even more profound cases where young children knew amazing things that they could not possibly have learned in this lifetime.  

 

This knowledge is interesting and exciting, especially in cases where it can be confirmed. However, it is really secondary to the healing that is available through exploring past lives.

 

Stumbling Into Past Lives

 

Dr. Brian Weiss MD’s work with past lives and healing is probably the most well-known of anyone’s in the world. He was a psychiatrist when he stumbled into past life regression. In the story that he tells about his first encounter with past life regression, his patient regressed when he was trying to use general hypnosis techniques. It wasn’t until she regressed to a previous lifetime that she began showing physical and emotional improvement.

 

The patient appeared to have true healing. Yet, Dr. Weiss was not convinced that past lives were real and was unsure as to what was really happening. . In a later session, the patient was actually able to obtain information about Dr. Weiss that she could not have possibly known. Although this was not about her life, it convinced him that something very real was happening. His experience with this client was the beginning of a journey that has changed his life and the lives of many others.

 

Our Work

 

My wife and I had read about Dr. Weiss’ experience many years ago. Then in 2014, we had the opportunity to attend Dr Weiss’ professional past life regression training where we witnessed such healing first hand. We learned that past life regressions can help heal both physical and emotional issues people are experiencing in their current lifetime.

 

Today, after additional study with others in this line of work, we include past life regression and other similar types of sessions in our service offerings. Our primary focus of regressions are for people who want to resolve issues that they cannot consciously explain. In many situations, the client becoming consciously aware of the situation that initiated the current day problem allows healing to begin.

 

Client Experience

 

Every person is different and every experience is different. Some have immediate understanding and healing. For others, there is a sudden recognition some time later. And, there are others where healing process occurs slowly over time as full understanding occurs.

 

I never expect miracles, but I am almost always surprised by the results. And, I love those e-mails that arrive from clients at a later date with new amazing insights. So, whether you believe in past lives or not, just know that if there is an issue with no apparent origin, your past lives might hold the key.

 

To learn more about Dr. Weiss’ work, check out his website http://www.brianweiss.com/

 

Note: Past Life Regression is not therapy and should not be used in lieu of medical treatment.

 

 

 

A dream I remember from last night included circus animals parading up an inside stairwell, changing rooms three times while staying at a hotel, and not knowing if I was going to ride a horse, take Lyft, or drive home. Like many dreams, it was crazy and unrealistic.

 

Busy Brain

 

It is believed that crazy dreams are your brain trying to make sense out of things. Those topics may be something we read in the news, a movie we saw, or experienced sometime during our life. With everything that we hear, see, and experience, it is amazing that people’s heads don’t explode when their brain tries to combine the multitude of stimuli that we experience every day.

 

Yet, somehow the mind manages to connect our experiences and all this information into a story – as crazy as the story may seem. Perhaps the brain is determining how to file the information, exploring new relationships between information, doing a form of learning, or simply trying to keep us sane.

 

Creativity At Its Finest

 

Although no one knows exactly what the brain is doing, it is clear that this is creativity at its finest. At times, nighttime creativity can leak into solving real problems or breaking through creative blocks. When people are stuck on a problem, the answer often lies in sleeping on it. The next day, new solutions suddenly appear or issues with previous ideas seem to dissolve.

 

In a sense, the creativity of sleep is being harnessed and applied to real problems.   However, this is limited to the sleep state and does not occur upon demand.

 

Applying It Every Day

 

Just imagine if we could capture hyper-creativity of the dream state and apply it to problems and projects during our waking hours. Amazing things would be created assuming logic, art, and engineering could be integrated with the creativity process.

 

With focus and possibly relaxation, perhaps creativity can be boosted to levels higher than we normally experience. After all, it is just a matter of connecting the right things in new and different ways.

 

 

 

In the early days of telephones, an operator connected someone with another party by plugging wires into a switchboard. If everything worked properly, this action established a voice connection between the two parties. However, occasionally the operator crossed the wires and a person ended up talking with someone they had not intended to contact. The analogy of crossing wires spread into communication between people when there was a misunderstanding between the two parties. “Sorry, I think we crossed our wires” became a standard apology.

 

Miscommunication

 

People are not always aware that wires have gotten crossed. Yet, the miscommunication may still cause emotions to flare. In extreme cases, a person may become so upset that they completely disconnect from the other person without the other person knowing why. Other times, however, the person recognizes that there was a miscommunication allowing them to take corrective action.

 

Human beings are constantly involved in some form of relationship with others. Thus, they are constantly vulnerable to miscommunication.

 

Ambiguity of the spoken word contributes to wires being crossed. English, in particular, contains many possible interpretations of the same set of words. Fortunately, it is believed that the actual words spoken may make up as little as 7% of communication with body language and tone accounting for the remainder.

 

Body Language

 

A person cannot convey body language in writing without writing a small script. Although tone can be expressed through the written word, it can be challenging. Thus, the writer must convey their message using only a small fraction of the communication tools available when speaking.

 

Even when speaking, non-verbal communication may be challenging. Often, people are not conscious of the messages being sent to others via their non-verbal cues. Sometimes, the truth shows even when the speaker intends to hide it. For instance, a person’s true feelings may show when they are trying to encourage a friend, but feel in their heart that the situation will not work out. A person has to be both aware and practiced to hide or change non-verbal messages.  Even politicians and others who are coached on body language often slip up and let their true feelings show.

 

Even when the intended message is conveyed, the recipients of the message may not interpret it as it was intended. Connections can become strained. And, sometimes those connections permanently break over something minor.  If properly understood,  the message would be accepted and have little or no impact on the relationship.

 

Things To Consider

 

If a person gets upset about something that someone says or does, they need to consider if they are properly interpreting the message. First, the person may desire to consider if there are alternative ways to interpret the message. Second, the person might ask the other person to explain further. Third, if the person believes they received the intended message, they might explain to the other person the message they received and how it affected them.

 

The person may just find out that wires got crossed. By clarifying the intent, it can potentially strengthen connections with others as they engage in caring and thoughtful communication.

 

 

 

 

Manifestation is all the rage these days. There is lots of talk about how our thoughts create reality. We are to push aside all negative thought and focus with intent on the good things we want in our lives.

 

On the other hand, people seem to know things are going to happen before they happen or minimally have impressions of things that later happen. In these cases, people aren’t attempting to manifest, but seem to know what is manifesting.

 

The Chicken or the Egg?

 

The question on the table is “Which comes first, the thought or the manifestation?” It really is a bit like the chicken and egg quandary. Does it have to be a thought in order to manifest? Or, does it have to begin to manifest (at least energetically) to create the thought?

 

I could make arguments on both sides of this debate. For instance, consider a very unusual accident where the experts say that the chances of such a thing happening are so low they can’t even calculate them. I could argue that no one would have likely ever considered such a situation. And, they certainly would never have attempted to manifest the accident.

 

On the flip side, I might argue that although unusual, designers might have considered if it is possible. Alternately, someone might have thought that the person involved in the accident seemed very accident-prone and subject to the unusual happening. In these cases, the thought was flying around in the universe with lots of leeway as to how to manifest.

 

Since everything a person ever experienced makes them who they are, all of the energy of their experiences is online for manifesting things in the future. Additionally, every thought that they ever had is also online for manifesting things in the future.

 

For those of that believe in life contracts and life plans, there is another entire layer of energy that is directing things toward particular challenges and outcomes. That energy intertwines with or supersedes thoughts and general manifestation energy. Thus, further complicating the question as to which comes first.

 

Be Positive

 

All that is clear is that having positive thoughts, positive intentions, and taking positive actions are the only things people can do to manifest the life of their dreams. The energy may already be online and possibly the positive outcomes would occur without thoughts, action, and intention on the person’s part. But, then again, maybe it wouldn’t.

 

 

 

 

Millions of stimuli come flying toward most people every day. Because of the volume of information, people have to very quickly identify the information and decide the action to take on the information. Some information is simply ignored while other information is filtered and connected to previous knowledge and experiences.

 

Although, people filter information out of necessity, it can also be a detriment at times. We can decide to throw away information too quickly that could have led to learning or a wonderful experience. Similarly, quick decisions we make about the information that we retain can result in some mis-associations between that information and previous knowledge or beliefs.

 

Missed Opportunities

 

Since people are quick to dismiss information, they miss opportunities. This is why people are more likely to notice things and even to fall in love when they are on vacation or out of their usual environment. In these situations, people tend to slow down and pay attention. In part, this is because everything is unfamiliar and they must analyze far more information. They also are learning and enjoying new sights. All of these things help to take a person off of automatic mode.

 

False Stories

 

In addition to missing opportunities, quick determinations about information can lead to assumptions about information that are incorrect. This occurs when people hear some information and assume something based on stereotypes, biases, information they have read in the past, or even their own past experiences.

 

The problem is that these connections are misleading and result in people believing things that are simple not true. This then feeds on itself because people have an instinct reaction to defend what they believe to be true. Therefore, there is an urge to fight anyone who challenges their interpretation of this information. This ingrains the information into their mind as true even though it is false.

 

This makes it extremely difficult for a person to change their point of view about an event or situation. They have already created a story about the information by connecting the new information to other information and beliefs they already have. In addition, the person may have even defended their version of the story further increasing their investment in their story.

 

When the person receives new information that is contrary to the story that they have created, they tend to dismiss that information because it does not support what they believe to be true. At this point, it can be nearly impossible to change a person’s mind. The new information, no matter how strong and how well supported, just doesn’t fit into the story. Thus, it is dismissed.

 

And, this is the reason why two people can hear the exact same information, but come away with two completely different stories!

 

Slow Down

 

Next time you find yourself defending your version of a story, take a moment, slow down, and breath deeply. Then, ask yourself, “What do I really know about this situation?” Start from the beginning and consider every piece of data like you might if you are visiting a different country. Ask yourself where the road may lead and check for information about navigating the situation.

 

In the end, you may still believe the original version of the story. But, then again, you may not!

 

 

 

 

Have you ever studied for a test and felt prepared only to have your mind seem blank when the test was in front of you? If it hasn’t happened to you, you are one of the lucky few that haven’t had this experience.

 

Multiple things can contribute to such and occurrence. However, the way the information is connected in your brain is often a significant contributor to the mind going blank.

 

Often, this occurs because of the environment in which a person studies. The person may have sprawled out on their bed, put on their headphones, and listened to music while they studied. This helped them tune out the world around them and focus on the information that they were studying. They may have reviewed the materials for class and studied until they dropped.  By the time they finished, the person may have been confident that they would land a high score on the test.

 

The next day they sat down at their desk confident that they were well prepared. However, when they looked down at the test, panic set in. They felt confused as everything on the test looked like a foreign language.   “How could this happen?” the person asked themselves. After all, they had studied for hours and thought they had everything memorized.

 

The issue in this situation likely arose because of the drastic change in environment from a comfortable relaxed situation with music to a silent environment sitting in a hard uncomfortable chair. The pathways to the studied information were new and fragile. They had not been reinforced enough times in various situations to truly imprint and create strong connections. Therefore, they were difficult to retrieve in a different setting.

 

At this point, the situation often worsens because anxiety sets in further hindering recall. By the end of class, the person who studied and began the day with confidence in their ability to do well on the test may be worrying if they will receive a passing grade.

 

This story is only one sample of the many reasons that a person may not recall information in a particular situation. Our memories are held within a very complex, intertwined system of connections. Therefore, recall can be sensitive to a variety of factors. Fortunately, we have established multiple ways to access much of the information allowing us to retrieve the information in various situations.

 

The next time you are having difficulty retrieving some piece of information – a name, how to do some task, or where you left your car keys – try remembering the context of when, where, and how you learned or last knew that information. You just might find that you can access that information after all!