disconnected

Today many people are struggling with being home away from family and friends. Yet, being disconnected can provide opportunities.

 

Growing Up In A Disconnected World

 

I grew up in a relatively disconnected world. We lived in a rural area with our closest neighbors a quarter of a mile away, but most much farther. On top of that, my mom didn’t drive. Therefore, until I got my driver’s license we usually didn’t go anywhere unless we could bike there or dad was home.

 

A tiny grocery existed about 4 miles away. However, most grocery shopping was done “in town” 15 miles away. Thus, grocery shopping was a once a week task. On very rare occasions, dad would stop to pick up milk, bread, or another necessity on his way home. However, generally we cooked whatever we had and I learned to improvise.

 

We did have a telephone, but we mostly made local calls because talking long-distance was expensive. So, we stayed mostly to ourselves outside of school and seeing family from time to time.

 

Being disconnected, I learned how to entertain myself, read for hours and hours, learned how to make cookies out of nothing at all, and learned to enjoy solitude. I would likely not have focused in these areas if we were always on the go.

 

Today’s Situation

 

Today, despite staying home, we are still very connected to people through electronics. However, many people are more disconnected than they have ever been in their life. Such a change can be challenging.

 

Finding Yourself

 

In recent years, you may have found it difficult to get away or to say, “No” to social engagements. Now, you have the perfect opportunity to find yourself, pamper yourself, discover what you love, or spend time with your family.

 

Have you sat back lately and asked yourself, “Who am I?” It is an interesting question. You may identify yourself as a parent, a spouse, a teacher, or a dedicated member of your church.

 

Still, who are you really? Look deep inside and consider the things that are most important to you. Perhaps there are dreams that you have put on hold or core values that you compromised along your journey.

 

Now, you have a chance to focus on those things that are important to you. Spend time with yourself, get reacquainted, and create a new path forward.

 

Discover What You Love

 

Consider what you truly love. Perhaps your journey has taken twists and turns to the point that you no longer love the things you once did. Alternately, that dream may still be waiting for you.

 

Focus some time on your hobbies. Investigate something that you have been meaning to try for some time. Or, try several random things and see if something speaks to you.

 

Pamper Yourself

 

While focusing on rediscovering yourself, also pamper yourself. Pampering can take many forms. Go outside, exercise, and enjoy the sunshine. Also, take time to make healthy meals from scratch and get some extra sleep. Plus, make sure to include an indulgence or two.

 

Connect With Your Family

 

During this disconnected time, you also have an opportunity to reconnect with your family in new and stronger ways. If they live with you, you can share in the self and family discovery together.

 

If your family is at a distance, you can still strengthen your connection. Extra phone calls to check in on them not only helps them, but can also enhance your relationship. Consider video calls and activities if practical.

 

For instance, we discovered that we really enjoy having game night with the kids via video. The crazy thing is that despite having them at a distance for years, we had never developed a habit of connecting via video or doing regular activities together. Now, I hope we keep it as a regular family gathering.

 

Disconnected – The Opportunity

 

So, instead of seeing this time in a negative light, look for the opportunities. Disconnected can feel good!

 

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Hidden Connections

 

 

Have you tried finding a connection between yourself and each of the people that cross your path during the day? It is interesting to contemplate. At this point, some people may jump to the concept of six-degrees of separation. However, what I have in mind is a bit different.

 

Zero-Degrees of Separation

 

I contend that there is some type of connection between each person and every other person – no matter how completely different the two people are. These connections are sometimes obvious. For instance, two people might have the same educational background, be from the same town, or have the same religious beliefs. Other times, it is more of a challenge to find the connection.

 

Recently, I was considering my connection to various public political figures. For some of them, I could easily see a connection, since I knew we shared a similar opinion on a particular topic. For others, finding the connection was a bit more challenging. I started thinking about the person’s personality, values, background, interests, and experiences compared to my own.

 

Using this scope, I was able to identify at least one “connection” between the person and myself. I am sure there are many more connections I could make with each person if I got to know them.

 

 

Hidden Connections

 

It is not always easy to find connections between yourself and others, especially if you really don’t want to see it. Most of us don’t have a strong desire to find a connection between ourselves and Jack the Ripper or Al Capone. Still, if we took the time to look, we would find a connection. Similarly, we would find a connection with people who live in different parts of the world, have different religions, or live in very different circumstances.

 

Authenticity

 

Although I would challenge you to find a connection to even the seemingly most different person, I would also caution you to pay attention to the authenticity of the connection. For example, political candidates may state an opinion that aligns well with your own perspective. You should consider that connection carefully.

 

First, look at your own opinion and make sure it is something you truly own. Often the opinions we have are those that we believe we should have rather than our true beliefs. Second, consider the same for the candidate. Is their stated opinion really their opinion and the direction they will take if faced with questions on the topic or is it simply what they believe people want to hear. You may even find that you have a connection with someone who states a different opinion than yours because their underlying viewpoint and resulting actions may actually match your perspective.

 

Limitations

 

It is important not to be drawn in by someone’s outward statements if they are not authentic. The Benders are infamous for inviting people into their home for a nice meal, killing them, and dumping them in a field. I am sure that many of their victims initially felt a connection to them believing they were nice folks that were providing a meal to a weary traveler.  Yet, in their case, it was all a scheme to get the victims’ valuables.

 

Therefore, it is important to remember that connections must be authentic. When you consider public personalities or people that cross your path, make sure to look for the connection. They may be on a different path than you, but challenge yourself to find something you authentically have in common. Just be diligent and pay attention so you don’t become a victim of the person behind the curtain.

 

 

 

 

 

So often people talk of change without really thinking about the effort they must make to create change. In many cases, the change they desire is simply wishful thinking. The person wants a job that pays more, a new relationship, to travel, or to spend more time with family. However, they simply want them without being willing to make an effort to bring those things into their lives.

 

In many cases, these goals are achievable. However, they will not magically happen without focus and effort.

 

Making Space

 

Generally, if you want to add or change something to your life, you have to have room for that person, activity, etc. It is very much like a shelf. If you have a shelf that is completely packed with items, you can’t add another item to the shelf without removing something. The same is true with life in general.

 

Making space can relate to making physical space, but it can also include making time, being emotionally open, and having a willingness to accept new ideas.

 

What Is Serving You

 

The first thing to do is to survey your life and determine which objects, activities, etc. are still serving you and which are not. For example, if you want a new relationship, you may want to survey your home for items related to an ex. It is also important to ensure that you have mental and emotional space for a new relationship. Ask yourself, “What am I holding onto that relates to my ex?” Follow it with the simple question, “Why am I holding onto it?”

 

Likewise, if you want to pursue a hobby, but don’t ever seem to have the time, look at where you are spending your time. Clearly, there are some things that have to be done, but many things are not required. Do you really need to be on the PTA? Can you get someone to assist with the family reunion? Do you really need to watch so much TV? All these questions help you identify what is important to you. If the ways you are spending your time are all more important to you than the hobby you desire, you need to realize that it is your choice to do those things instead of the hobby.

 

Removing Unneeded Connections

 

Once you have identified those things that need change in order for you to change, it is important to remove or alter the connection with those items. For instance, if you have a chair that your ex bought, you might simply decide to sell or donate the chair to remove the energy of your ex. However, you may love that chair and need it for seating. In this case, it may be more practical to do an energy clearing or to transform the chair in some way. Painting, reupholstering, or even moving the chair may help in changing the energy of the chair.

 

The most important thing, however, is to ensure that you view the chair differently. If you still think of your ex every time you sit in it, you have not yet removed the connection to your ex. It is important to release your ex and begin seeing the chair as simply your chair.

 

Likewise, you need to make room emotionally for a new person. If you are always thinking about how things were with your ex, there will be no room for anyone new. An excellent way to achieve the release of old emotions is to recognize what positive your gained from the relationship, whether the relationship was good or bad. Show gratitude for those positive things and then simply release the person. There are several ways this can be achieved and you may even have your own ritual that you would like to use to release old, unneeded emotions.

 

Building New Connections

 

Once you ensure that you have room in your life for that which you desire, it is important to start building connections toward your desired outcome. In the case of relationships, this can include taking action to go out and meet people, joining an on-line dating service, or making sure that you are in the best shape you can be. All these things start to build connections toward supporting a new relationship.

 

In the case of a new job, you might simply update your resume, start scanning the internet for job openings, and start talking to friends about your desire for a new job. These actions send messages out to the Universe allowing the Universe to assist in creating the ultimate connection that you desire.

 

If you are truly committed to change and you follow these steps, you may be surprised at what will change in your life!

 

If you need assistance making space in your life for change, contact us. We offer several services that assist with this process.

 

connecting in 2020

 

 

Welcome to 2020! Or, as Barbara Walters would say, “I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 2020.

 

Twenty-twenty is a great number with the potential to be an amazing year. Only once in a century are the first two digits of the year and the second two digits of the year the same. So, this is your one chance to experience this phenomenon – unless you are currently 100 years old or plan to hang around till 2121.

 

Perfect Vision

 

Dates like 1919 and 2020 roll easily off the tongue making them candidates to be included in advertising and more. However, 2020 is much more. It is also associated with having perfect vision. Both eyesight and hindsight can be 20/20. Thus, many believe that 2020 has the potential to be a wonderful and insightful year.

 

Connect & Reconnect

 

In order to create a wonderful 2020 for yourself, consider making connecting and re-connecting a daily habit. Connecting can come in many forms: connecting with people, physically or virtually, connecting objects, connecting ideas and more.

 

When desiring to connect with people, look around you. Are there people that you encounter regularly with whom you really never connect? They are a great place to start. Try to understand their point of view, their feelings and who they really are. Extend this practice to new people that you meet. And, consider reconnecting with people from your past.

 

New Eyes

 

Similarly, look at activities, passions, and objects with new eyes. Do those things speak to you differently now than they did in the past? Connect to them in new ways. Also, consider reconnecting with an activity or a passion that you sat aside years ago when life got busy or you were encouraged to focus elsewhere.

 

Connect The Dots

 

Consider how other things are connected. Connect the dots between behaviors and actions. Look for connections between very different things and find an entirely new perspective. For example, Steve Jobs sat in on a calligraphy class where he learned about serif and sans serif typefaces (fonts). He was fascinated by the artistry of the characters. At the time, it was simply something that peaked his interest. However, later he applied what he learned and created a choice of fonts for Mac – something that was unheard of in the computing world at that time.

 

Steve Jobs’ connection between calligraphy and computer fonts not only changed the world of computing, but extended into digital media, print media, and beyond. Yet, he had no idea when he was learning calligraphy where it would lead.

 

At a graduation speech at Stanford years later he said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

 

Yesterday – Today – Tomorrow

 

So, as you go through 2020 consider if something you have encountered in the past applies to what you are doing today – even if they are two very different things. Also, pay close attention to the things you are now encountering as they may apply to something tomorrow.

 

In the words of Doc Brown (Back to the Future), “Your future hasn’t been written yet. No one’s has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one.”

 

 

seasons of life - winter

 

 

In the previous article in this series, we discussed the autumn season of human life.

 

Winter Sets In

 

As humans move from the autumn season of life into winter, they like plants, become more frail. Like the stalk weakening, adults in this season of life must work harder to maintain their strength. The wrinkles and scars of life become more readily apparent as the days go by. And, keeping the aches and pains at bay becomes a greater task.

 

As time goes on, those in the winter of their life require more assistance from those in the summer and autumn seasons of life. Tasks that they could easily do a few years ago become more challenging. Some of them give in easily allowing and even welcoming care by others. However, some elders fight this process every step of the way determined to maintain their independence as long as possible.

 

Although many people remain quite active through most of the winter season, most are retired and have more time to themselves than they have ever had. It is during these quieter days that many adults in the winter season reminisce about the other seasons of life. Having experienced each season, they have a good understanding of what the younger generations are experiencing.

 

Some of them are quite satisfied with their experiences and happy to be where they are today while others long for the previous seasons of life. Others focus on their regrets of what they did not do when they had the opportunity. They may also have a feeling of loss as their family lives their own lives and their friends begin to slip away.

 

More Dependence

 

As the winter season proceeds, it often is like the reversal of spring. In the winter season, the person often becomes more and more dependent on others for assistance. The quality of life for those in the winter season can be sustained longer, minimizing the dependence on assistance, with consistent nurturing.

 

As a society, we have forgotten the value of the elders. In years gone by, elders would have lived with their children, a grandchild, or a niece/nephew as they aged. The elder would have been integrated into the family and called upon for their wisdom and knowledge. Today, these elders tend to live on their own as long as possible. Eventually, they are moved to facilities where their care and nurturing are primarily provided by staff rather than family.

 

In conclusion, having relationships with others who are in different seasons of their lives enriches a person’s life. Likewise, nurturing others, even if they don’t think they need it, will make the life experiences better for everyone involved.

 

 

seasons of life

 

 

In the previous article in this series, we discussed the how humans change as they move through the blooming of the summer season.

 

Autumn Begins

 

As the autumn season of life begins to set in, plants find their brilliant colors of summer fading. The stalk that was once strong and tall begins to slightly weaken. The bug bites and sun damage begin to be noticeable and the leaves begin to yellow. Likewise, humans entering the autumn season start to show the battle scars of life. The imperfections begin to be more noticeable, the hair thins, and more aches and pains are felt.

 

In the autumn of life, adults often are caring for their children as they move through the last years of spring and into the summer seasons. At the same time, people in this part of their life may be in a position where they have to begin providing care for a parent or other family member who is in the winter of their life. Thus, as their duties parenting their children are beginning to dwindle, their duties parenting their parents start to ramp up.

 

Being in the position to care for others, people in the autumn season of life may find themselves receiving little or no nurturing from others in their life. They are the ones that everyone else expects to provide the nurturing.

 

The Purpose of Life

 

It is during the autumn season that people are most likely to start questioning their purpose in life. They begin to look for more in life than their job. They want something greater than simply a way to sustain themselves. Additionally, their children are grown or nearly grown and they feel a bit lost, no longer having a laser focus on raising their children. Also, because their parents are starting to need some help from time to time, they see their future and feel compelled to find their way to leave a legacy and/or find something that gives them vitality.

 

As they see that winter is coming, they may also spend time yearning for the days of spring and summer. This yearning also contributes to the desire for more. It may be one of the reasons that people in the autumn of life are most likely to be the ones that gather the family together at the holidays. However, they may use those in the winter season as the rationale for the gathering.

 

In the final article in this series, we will discuss the winter season.

 

seasons of life - summer

 

 

In the previous article in this series, we discussed the birth and growth of human life during the spring season.

 

Summer Begins

 

During the summer season, the stem is bright green and the flowers unfold with brilliant colors. The imperfections are greater than in the early days of the plant’s life, but are still hidden by the beauty of the plant. Likewise, humans appear less flawed at this point than in later seasons in their life.

 

As humans enter the summer season, they come into full bloom. By the time they enter adulthood, they have neared completion of their mental and physical development. They have developed a strong stem composed of their knowledge, beliefs, and behaviors. They may continue to learn and change throughout their life. However, their foundation is now strong and the changes will be more incremental.

 

At this point, both plants and humans are ready to stand tall with less care required. Humans may even believe that they are beyond the need for nurturing. However, all humans need nurturing throughout all the seasons of life.

 

Freedom

 

It is during this phase of life, that humans have the most freedom. This allows them to be the most present in the here and now. They are focused on themselves, their careers, and their relationships. During this time, they may forget about the other seasons. They are glad not to be a child any more and they don’t really want to consider future seasons.

 

They may also have a lack of focus on family and friends that are in other seasons of life. They don’t call home as often or may not visit their grandparents. This is particularly true in the early part of summer.

 

Summer Progresses Toward Autumn

 

As the season progresses, people are more likely to have children of their own. As they do, their focus on the other seasons comes roaring back. They are now in the caretaker position with their child. Additionally, there is nothing like having a baby to bring your parents and other family members back into a person’s life. Suddenly, the focus shifts from the individual to the child and with that comes the broader family.

 

Through becoming a parent, many people come to the realization that the other seasons are still awaiting them. After inviting their parents back in their life, they may come to understand that interacting with the other seasons can be beneficial to them on their journey through summer and future seasons.

 

In the next article in this series, we will discuss the autumn season.

 

seasons of life

 

 

The spring of human life is much like that of a flower. First a foundation of rich soil must be laid down that will support life. Often this foundation is created with old plants that have wilted away. With humans, it is only because of their ancestors that a child can be born. The ancestors may have left for the spirit world, but they have laid down a foundation in DNA. Like with soil, they provide a child with nutrients, such as, genetic memory, talents, and physical attributes that will help them to thrive.

 

A Rich Foundation

 

With a rich foundation, the seed sprouts, grows larger, and becomes more fully formed over time. During this season humans, like plants, tend to be the most perfect. Plants in this stage have the least amount of damage from the sun, bugs, or weather. Likewise, young children generally haven’t been ruined by drama in the world or limitations being placed upon them.

 

Children, like young plants, need plenty of nourishment. Plants often need someone to water them, ensure they are getting the right amount of sunlight, and the proper nutrients. Similarly, children need food, clothing, and proper care, as they are not able to fend for themselves. In both cases, there is a tendency to need less care as they mature.

 

The damage to children, like to the plant, increases over time. Unfortunately, there are some children, like plants, that are greatly damaged during the spring season. For plants, this can be too much sun, too much rain, other weather events, or neglect. Similarly, some children experience traumas, neglect, or are given responsibilities far beyond their years. One of the big contributors to neglect is the tendency today to depend on electronic babysitters. When parents depend too much on devices for care, children will miss out on part of their development.

 

Strong Connections

 

If children are lucky, they will have a strong connection to people in other seasons of life. It is through these connections that they will learn and grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Growing in physical stature without having the connections and nourishments to grow in all dimensions leaves a child without the proper development to thrive throughout all the seasons of their life.

 

In addition, connections to people in other seasons of life give children an understanding of people of all ages. This helps them to recognize and respect different perspectives. And, it will help them as they transition to other seasons of their life.

 

During this season of life, children are generally very curious and put their energy into learning and growing. However, as they mature, they often begin to yearn for the next season of life, desiring summer to arrive before they have completed their spring season.

 

In the next article in this series, we will discuss the summer season.

 

 

past present future

 

Our past, present, and future are all strongly inter-connected. If not for the past, we would not be the people we are today or having the experiences of the moment. Likewise, without our experiences today, we would not have our future of tomorrow.

 

Accepting The Past

 

Although many people would like to change the past, it is far better to accept the past for what it is. Whether it was good or bad, it was an element that helped make you who you are. When we don’t accept the past, it continues to dominate the present. Thus, the past doesn’t simply contribute to our present, but it controls it.

 

Accepting that the past does not mean we have to approve of things that happened during that era. Neither does it mean that we ride on our laurels of the past.

 

It is best when we simply acknowledge that in the past we have been in good situations and bad situations. Likewise, we have done things we are proud of and things that we would have liked to have done differently. Still, all those things remain in the past.

 

100% Responsibility

 

Sometimes we have challenges moving past things that others have done in the past. It is important to understand that we can and should take responsibility for those things that we have done. However, it is unhealthy to take responsibility for what someone else has done to us or someone else.

 

If we perceive something was done to us, we can use that to make us stronger and to move forward. If we try to own the other person’s actions towards us, we are giving them an excuse and not allowing them to own up to their responsibility. It also gives power to their actions.

 

As humans, we want to “fix” every problem, person, and situation. The reality is that we cannot. We can only take responsibility for actions that we have taken, learn from our errors, and move forward committed to live a good life.

 

Living Today

 

We must realize that although we cannot change the past, we can take control of today. It is critical to realize that the actions we take today will shape our future and may affect the future of others, as well. This isn’t to say that every decision made each day has to be fully analyzed for impacts on the future.

It would be impossible and frankly unnecessary to analyze every decision. For example, deciding to do the dishes or wait until later isn’t likely to have a big impact on our future. However, some decisions have long-term impacts. For example, deciding to check text messages while driving could completely change multiple people’s lives. Thus, it is important to check in occasionally and ask “Am I on track to make a better tomorrow?”

 

The Future

 

This all leads us to the future, which will become the present and then the past. Living in the future is similar to living in the past. Although the past and present affect the future, focusing on the future and neglecting the present will lead us down a path of regret.  

 

We need to plan for the future and realize the impact of our actions on the future. However, if we live only for the future, we will fail to live at all. For example, if we always save every dime for tomorrow, we will never spend it as tomorrow never comes.

 

Therefore, we must understand that the past, present, and future are intertwined. Remember, although the past helps make you who you are, it does not define you. No matter your current circumstances, you have the choice to act today in a way that will create a brighter tomorrow!

 

Energetic Connection

 

 

Have you ever had a place, food, service, or professional recommended to you by someone you trust only to find that you don’t feel the same way? It has probably happened to most everyone. But, why?

 

Does It Resonate?

 

A business, house, church, or restaurant can be highly recommended and yet it just doesn’t seem to resonate with you. In the case of a restaurant, the food is good and the atmosphere is fine, but it just doesn’t feel quite right. For a church, the people can be nice and the beliefs aligned with your own. Yet, it too doesn’t feel right. The same can be said of almost anything or any one.

 

With relationships, your friend can introduce you to someone who seems perfect for you. That person seems to have all the attributes that you are looking for in a relationship. Still, there isn’t a spark and you may not even get along at all.

 

Energetic Connection

 

The reason for these reactions is that you do not connect with these places and people. It goes far beyond the logic that says that you should like these places. Instead, it falls into the category of an energetic connection.

 

Two people, places or things can have positive energy and seem to have much in common. However, the energy of the two is incompatible and they don’t resonate with each other. This does not mean that there is anything negative about either one. They simply aren’t an energetic match for each other.

 

Your Energy Knows

 

Thus, it is important to tap into your energetic sensors that give you that feeling of this is a match or not. If you simply rely on facts and logic, you will spend lots of time figuring out what your energy already knows.

 

Interestingly, if you tap into that energy, you will see the facts differently. Facts that might be interpreted as major roadblocks for something that is wrong for you will be dismissed or seen as minor bumps if it is energetically right for you. It is important to distinguish viewing facts with an energetic perspective from taking the facts and trying to make them fit because you want them to fit. These are two very different things.

 

Tap into your energy today and decisions will become obvious!