Love vs Hate

Love and hate are two competing strong emotions that can take complete control of your life. They are very different. Yet, they are very much the same. Some might say that love and hate are two manifestations of the same emotion.

 

Defining Love and Hate

 

For the purposes of this article, when we are talking about love  and hate, we are talking about strong overwhelming positive or negative emotion toward something or someone. When we use love and hate, we mean intense and powerful emotion that impacts a person’s judgment and leads to irrational action.

 

There are other less emotionally powerful definitions for the words, but those usages are excluded from this discussion. For example, we are not talking about cases where people off-handedly state, “I love pizza.” Generally, this usage  really means that pizza is one of their favorite foods. Now, if they love pizza so much that it drives controls their life, that would be love.

 

Similarly, we are not talking about situations where someone mentions something and the other person says, “I hate it when that happens.” In that case, they really mean dislike. The response has much less emotion than the word “hate” would indicate. Instead, we are focused on cases of true hostility.

 

Manifestation of Love And Hate

 

Some people find it very easy to use the word “love” and to express strong emotions. These people find it easy to love and often just as easy to hate. Meanwhile, others are very reluctant to use such strong expressions of emotions. This is believed to be a difference in the insula in the person’s brain. It isn’t that it controls the emotions a person feels, but that it controls the intensity of that emotion.

 

The stronger the intensity of these emotions, the more likely they are to flip from one to another. For instance, it becomes very easy for a person to love someone and then end up hating them for the very same characteristics that drew the person to them.

 

Likewise, a person can have an initial dislike to someone. They may even tell their friends how much they dislike the person. Then, something flips and they end up in each other’s arms. It happens in the movies and in real life. Their initial strong dislike was really an attraction.

 

The connection between these emotions can lead to love-hate relationships where a person both loves and hates another person simultaneously. Alternately, the person may toggle between 100 percent loving the person one minute and completely hating the same person the next minute. These relationships are made possible because of the thin line between love and hate.

 

Costs & Benefits

 

Love is healing. It also breeds more good things. So, people might ask, “What is the downside of that?” When it comes to love, the thing people struggle with most is vulnerability. One cannot love without being vulnerable. For people who like to be in control at all times, their fear of being vulnerable can keep them from being open to love.

 

On the other hand, hate is damaging. It also requires that you are vulnerable, but it opens you up to all kinds of negativity. When it occurs from time to time, it is perfectly normal. However, if a person holds onto hate for long periods of time, hateful emotions can impact them not only emotionally and mentally, but also physically. Various factors come into play, but simply put, it changes the chemistry of the body, which can trigger illness, anxiety, depression, and a host of other issues. Furthermore, it changes a person’s thinking and drives negative behaviors.

 

What many people neglect to realize is that hating someone or something creates an intense bond between the person and the object of their hatred. Hating only hurts the person doing the hating. It does no harm to the hated although it does give them power over the hater. Joanna Kleovoulou, a clinical psychologist, summarizes it this way, “Holding onto Hate is like letting someone live rent-free in your mind.”

 

Creating Love and Eliminating Hate

 

Since hate is harmful, the obvious solution for good mental and physical heath is to convert hate to a more positive emotion. Change begins by the person acknowledging their feelings of hatred. Then the person must explore the source of those feelings and honestly questioning whether such strong feelings are warranted.

 

It may simply be that feelings of dislike have been blown out of proportion. Perhaps discussions with friends or family have led to stronger outward emotion than what is appropriate for the situation. In this case, awareness may be all that is needed to shift to a more neutral perspective of the situation. If that is not enough, a person can focus their intent on letting go of the strong emotions and allowing objectivity back in.  With understanding and focus, love can actually replace hate.

 

Sometimes, however, a person has real fire burning inside them about someone, something, or a situation. Generally, this is when someone has personally harmed the person or their loved one. Letting go of hate in these situations is often more challenging, but even more important because the emotion is often so strong.

 

In these situations, the person can begin as previously mentioned by acknowledging the hate and understanding the source of those feelings. As, they move forward, the focus should initially be on refraining from statements or actions that add fuel to the fire. The next step is to work toward releasing the emotion associated with the hatred. To do this, the person can focus on what is truly important. With this focus, objectivity becomes a possibility.

 

Make a Choice

 

Remember both hatred and love draw things to you. Wouldn’t you rather draw into your life good things that bring you benefit?

 

Creating Reality

We are all born into a set of circumstances. Some may be good and some less so. As we mature, we become more and more able to control our future destiny. Still, sometimes it doesn’t feel like we have choices. However, although not in control of out initial circumstances, we really are in charge of creating our own reality.

 

Transforming Reality

 

Any person’s reality can be transformed into a different life. It isn’t always easy and it may be more challenging for some than others. However, with hard work, changes to one’s reality can come to fruition, creating a new reality for the person.

 

Alice Johnson is a great example of someone who transformed her reality. After falling on hard times, she became involved in a drug deal. Subsequently, she was arrested and sentenced to life in prison without parole despite having no prior criminal record.

 

Despite the dire sentence, Alice made the most of her time in prison. She was a model prisoner who became a certified hospice worker and an ordained minister. She did so well that the ACLU and other groups started helping her fight to get clemency. Her initial application, one of thousands, was rejected. Then in June 2018, she was finally given clemency.

 

Since her release from prison, Alice has co-authored a book After Life: My Journey From Incarceration To Freedom,” which is described as very inspirational. She has also become an advocate for criminal justice reform. As a result, she recently received a full pardon.

 

Elements of Reality

 

So, what creates a person’s reality? Many things go into a person’s reality. As mentioned earlier, a person must start with their circumstances. They cannot jump from working in the fields to running a technology company overnight or without a lot of work.

 

However, they can change their situation by steady hard work that combines their talents and experiences.

 

Choices

 

When a person adds good choices to those elements, their reality begins to evolve. Each setback or sign of adversity must be taken as a gift. If like Alice, the person takes the opportunity to identify lessons and blessings of the situation, they will be propelled forward toward a new reality.

 

Thus, choices become critical in driving a person’s reality. If the person chooses or believes that they can do no better than where they are today, they will still be in the same position tomorrow and the day after. However, if a person chooses to thrive, there is no holding them back.

 

Speak Your Truth

 

The other key element to creating an amazing reality is for a person to speak their truth. It is very important for people to speak up stating their story. They can acknowledge their earlier situation. However, even more important, is to acknowledge where they are and where they are going. It must be their truth and only their truth. No one else’s story matters unless it is a story of inspiration to the person.

 

Speaking one’s truth is critically important for overcoming the naysayers and people that desire, for some reason, to hold the person back. A person’s truth, when presented in a caring, logical way is always powerful.

 

Paint Your Reality

 

The reality people paint is their choice. Just like a painting, your life is a canvas. It can be transformed by choices, tools, and talents. A person can choose to leave it as is or can create something very sloppy or unimaginative. Another person with the same talents and similar experiences might create a painting that is very dark and bleak. Meanwhile, yet another person might use the very same paints to create something strong and optimistic.

 

The choice is yours. What reality will you paint?

 

The Power Of Energy

Everything in this universe is made of energy. The power of energy is amazing and can create wonderful things. Likewise, it can also be used to manifest the worst of things.

 

Energy manifests people, trees, mountains, houses, planets, horses, diseases, and emotions. We identify each thing as unique with specific words that describe them. However, at the core, they remain energy. With time and the right circumstances, each one can be transformed into something different.

 

Spoon Bending

 

Spoon BendingThe transformation of energy can readily be demonstrated using spoon bending. A spoon can easily be bent without a hammer or other tools by simply getting into the correct frame of mind. Some people will still need to put mild pressure on the spoon, but for others it will simply melt in their hands curling around into a new shape.

 

Some people believe this is stage magic, but it is not. I have personally bent spoons, witnessed others bending spoons, and have successfully taught people that knew nothing about spoon bending how to transform a spoon. The only magic to it is opening up your mind to the possibilities.

 

Fighting

 

Now, lets consider the current world situation. COVID-19 is still raging across the world. People are fighting about everything. Some are fighting over the effectiveness of medicines and masks to fight the virus. Others are fighting against oppression. And, others are fighting against everything American. At the same time, people aren’t allowed to gather with family and friends. Church services are prohibited or limited out of caution.

 

The bottom line is that a huge amount of the collective energy in the world is currently focused on negativity, which in turn manifests more negativity.

 

Turning It Around

 

We, as the collective citizens of earth, have the ability to turn the tide toward the positive. All we have to do is to set our intent on all the positive possibilities. For instance, focusing on statements, such as, “Americans will be wearing masks for years,” brings forward the image of masks forever. This energy holds the virus here and doesn’t allow it to be released. On the other hand, if we focus our energy on a world that is free of COVID-19, it makes room for healing and for the virus to be eliminated.

 

The same can be said of all the other negativity that is manifesting in our country. For instance, the idea of equality and equal treatment by the police is an honorable one. However, when the issue is hijacked and exploited by people with other agendas, the movement loses its original intent. Instead, it has bread violence and negativity that go far beyond the issue at hand. In this situation, we can help by focusing our energy on having a country where every person is treated with respect and dignity.

 

World Shift

 

Now, you might not believe that we really have the power to make this type of shift in the world. It is okay to be skeptical. All I would ask is that you observe your personal world and give it a try.

 

COVID-19

 

To do this, consider where you focus your energy. For COVID-19, do you focus on fear of you or a loved one getting the virus? Do you focus on whether people wear masks or do you feel compelled to pressure people to wear masks? If the answer to any of these questions is, “Yes,” then you are holding onto the virus.

 

Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to take unnecessary risks. Instead, it means that you take the proper precautions that you feel are necessary for you and your family while remaining optimistic that this virus can be beat. If you are having difficulty being optimistic, stay away from the news and the statistics. Instead, find something positive to do. Help someone or focus on personal growth.

 

Equality

 

The same can be applied to the equal treatment of people. First, be a survivor, not a victim. Don’t allow yourself to be bullied into feeling things that you don’t. Otherwise, you will no longer be your authentic self. Second, check your focus. Are you focusing on how horrible the police or other people are? Do you consider all people of any group racist, horrible, or any other negative adjective? If you do, consider starting from the perspective that most people are good people. Again, don’t take unnecessary risks. There are people that will harm you. However, if you look beyond the color of the person’s skin, their politics, and their religion, you may find that the person is a good person. Amazingly, you may even find that you have a lot in common.

 

Personal Transformation

 

Self-observation, reflection, and movement toward positive energy are key steps toward transforming yourself. With this transformation, you will change your life. By changing your life, you will change the life of others around you. The change just continues to grow and grow until the energy reaches a point where it tilts the overall energy from the negative to the positive. Once that happens, you have become a part of changing the world and making it a better place to live.

 

To learn more about personal transformation, check out our articles “Opening the Door to Change” and “Look for the Good in Everything.” Additionally, you may wish to check out Charles Cox’s blog post “Essentials of Personal Transformation.”

 

Be a survivor

My grandfather believed that if something bad happened to you or your family that you simply carry on. It happened. It is a fact. Furthermore, he never thought for a moment that you should stop and wallow in what happened. You do need to process what has happened as moving on without working through the issue can be harmful. However, you can’t let the bad things in life define you if you want to be a survivor.

 

Being A Victim

 

The negative situation could be a circumstance, an event, etc. You may have been born very poor, you may have been attacked, been adopted, or may have been verbally abused. In the moment, it is reasonable to consider yourself a victim of the situation. However, you don’t have to remain a victim.

 

It is all about where you focus your energy. If you focus your energy on being a victim, you have no chance to move forward. You are guaranteed to remain a victim.

 

Anything Is Possible

 

On the other hand, you can make the choice to focus your energy on surviving and moving forward. In some circumstances, a positive focus can be extremely challenging. However, a positive focus is always an option.

 

Part of a positive focus is simply starting from the perspective of what you can do instead of what you cannot do. Be willing to take steps forward. Then, surround yourself, as much as possible, with strong people that support you.

 

Dr. Ben Carson, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and retired neurosurgeon, is an excellent role model for survivors. After his mother found out her husband was a bigamist, she raised him and his brother alone. They were poor and she only had a third grade education to rely on.

 

Despite those limitations, she knew education was important and she believed in her sons. She insisted Ben spend time reading and learning. He found over time that he enjoyed learning. His focus on education paid off. Ben showed that if you focus your energy on surviving and moving forward, anything is possible.

 

Ability

 

So, if someone tells you fractions are hard, you have a choice. You can unconsciously comply with their statement or you can show you are a survivor by conquering them.

 

Likewise, if you are told you can’t do something because you are a girl. Realize that being a girl is simply a fact. Some limitations do exist based on societal norms or physical limitations. However, for the most part, your gender does limit your possibilities.

 

Don’t fall victim to other people’s “rules.” If you want to do something, stand up and say, “I can do it.”

 

Medical Issues

 

The same is true when faced with a medical issue. If you find out that you have a disease, you can become a victim and assume that you have no chance to overcome it. On the other hand, you can fight it with your heart and soul.

 

Similarly, some people just know that they are going to get the common cold, the flu, or COVID-19. They are “victims” before they are ever exposed. This belief actually makes these people more susceptible the virus. On the other hand, if you are strong and take a survivor mindset, you stay safer from the virus.

 

Negative Events

 

Although anyone can be victimized, having a mindset of a victim can make a person more vulnerable to negative events. Similarly, those events can control the person’s life if they continue to have that mindset.

 

However, if the person has the mindset of a survivor, they will have a much greater chance of moving past the event – no matter how awful the event was. This doesn’t mean that there is no pain. It simply means that the pain does not control the person’s life. It is with survivor attitude that nearly everything can be conquered.

 

Be A Survivor

 

The theme song to the show Reba says, “My roots are planted in the past.” This is true for each person. You can’t escape facts and it is no use trying. You can’t change who you are or what you have experienced.

 

However, the song goes on to say, “Who I am is who I want to be.” Again, this is true for each person. You have choices and you can decide what defines you.

 

In the end, if, like Reba, you have “the heart of a fighter,” you will be able to say, “I’m a survivor!”

 

An Authentic Life

Living an authentic life is a concept that is easy to understand, but often challenging to implement. This year has presented more challenges for the general population than the typical year. Thus, living an authentic life today is even more challenging than ever.

 

Living Authentically

 

In the simplest terms, living an authentic life means being who you really are. This means that you let go of who others say you are and who they want you to be. You are also honest with yourself about both your positive and negative attributes.

 

You can start by defining basic attributes that someone might use to describe you. Perhaps you are tall, have medium skin, blue eyes, and brown hair. You can dye your hair, wear contacts that change your eyes color, and go to a tanning salon. Still, your DNA will indicate that you are tall with medium skin, blue eyes, and brown hair. You can pretend to be different, but that isn’t who you are underneath.

 

Additionally, when living authentically, you recognize your achievements, give credit to others where credit is due, and take the blame when appropriate. This relates very much to the concept of taking 100% responsibility. Taking too much or too little responsibility never leads you to authenticity or happiness. If you take responsibility or claim credit when someone else should be doing the work, did the work, or is to blame, you are cheating the other person and yourself. Thus, 100% responsibility is a key ingredient to living authentically.

 

2020 Challenges

 

Under the best of circumstances, living an authentic life takes work. 2020 has added challenges that make it even more difficult to maintain the focus and internal personal view that is required to create and maintain an authentic life.

 

COVID-19

 

COVID-19 has brought out interesting behaviors in people. Most of which have been brought about because of fear, as we discussed in a recent article, “Why Fear?” The combination of fear, ever-changing rules, and unknowns present challenges to people. As a result, people end up with differing opinions and different interpretations of the rules. Some of these people choose to chastise those who see things differently than they do.

 

Even when pressure is applied with the best intention, it often results in the other person fighting back – at least mentally. You may find that although you are acting and even believing things that are not aligned with who you really are. You may even push back against them although you agree with the person in principle.

 

Likewise, the COVID rules may drive you to behave in ways that are not aligned with your experience or desires. For instance, if you are an extrovert or a person who likes lots of physical touch, you may not be behaving in alignment with those qualities. It is important to recognize those attributes of yourself and find a way to honor them.

 

The History of Our Country

 

Protests, riots, and destruction have also created pressure to destroy our past and for the country to become something it is not. Like it or not, the country was not formed by people that simply came together, sang “Imagine,” and lived in perfect harmony. Instead, it was a hard fight. People had different perspectives, but in the end the people came together as one country.

 

Like it or not, our country’s history is our country’s history. Owning up to the country’s history is just as important as owning up to your own personal history. Without both, you can’t live an authentic life. Like with historical statues that have been dismantled, you can ignore and take your history out of sight, but it is still part of who you are.

 

Pretending that your past isn’t your past never leads to an authentic life. Now, you can do internal work to grow from your past and it is something that you don’t have to outwardly share in all situations. However, you should never hide from it.

 

Race Wars

 

In addition, there is pressure to see our country in the midst of a race war despite the fact that people of all backgrounds have many positive interactions each day. This is not to say that prejudice does not exist. It does. Our article “Retraining the Brain” discusses bias and how it plays a part of everybody’s life.

 

With awareness, everyone can make better decisions and limit how bias affects decisions that they make. This does not, however, mean that anyone needs to denounce their ethnic background – even people of European heritage with a long history in this country. Instead, consider that each person has their own story that is made up of many attributes.  A portion of that story is the history of their ancestors.  But, the most important part of their story is their personal story and the life they have lived.  Facts of the past cannot be changed.

 

Similarly, an African American police officer can be proud to be African American and simultaneously be proud to serve as a police officer. According to some people, these officers are “no longer black;” they are blue. Again, their heritage and their occupation are both facts. They are what they are.

 

A person who is authentic will not apologize for facts about themselves. Additionally, an authentic life does not include guilt or victim-hood for events that occurred years before the person’s birth. They can be considerate and can make good decisions in their life with regards to people of all backgrounds. No one needs to take on the burden of the past. It is fact and it cannot be changed.

 

Cancel Culture

 

The current trend toward “cancelling” anything that someone dislikes also pressures people to be less than authentic. People are afraid that if they don’t outwardly support certain opinions that they, too, will be cancelled. They know that in today’s world, they don’t even have the option to remain silent. It is almost as if the right to remain silent has been stricken from the law books.

 

This pressure is very strong, especially for people in the public eye. Yet, according to Psychology Today, “The authentic person will not . . . let others bully them into taking a position they don’t agree with.” They go on to say, “Authenticity requires us to be able to overcome our desire to fit in and be part of the crowd.”

 

So, if you are feeling like you need to take up a position that you wouldn’t have considered taking up six months ago, you might want to ask yourself if you are being authentic. It is possible that you have become aware of an issue and now feel driven to support that position. However, it is also possible that you are simply being intimidated into a position that you don’t really support.

 

Leading An Authentic Life

 

It is more important than ever to focus on who you really are at the core. Act based on your life, your beliefs, your values, your opinions, and your knowledge. At this time, it is critical that you really think things through. Know that you are 100% responsible for your life and your decisions. However, you are not responsible for other people’s life choices.

 

You can be compassionate and empathetic. Listen. Learn. Those are good things that enhance our lives and help us to be more authentic. Just be careful of the trap of taking on someone else’s view of who you are. By doing so, you nearly always become less authentic.

 

If you would like to work toward a more authentic life, consider our “Finding Your Authentic Self” coaching sessions.

 

 

staying connected during social distancing

Staying connected with friends and family is often a challenge. However, it is more important than ever at this time. Yet, the challenges are even greater with the recommendation/requirement of widespread social distancing.

 

Social Distancing

 

“Social Distancing” is a bit of a misnomer. The intent of social distancing isn’t to distance yourself from others socially. Instead, the idea is to distance yourself from others physically. Staying connected to family and friends while distancing yourself physically is actually very important during this time of isolation.

 

People are not intended by their very nature to be alone as humans are social beings and require human contact. The amount of contact varies with extroverts needing contact with more people than introverts. However, introverts still need contact, but usually thrive best when in contact with a small circle of friends and family.

 

During a time when most people are spending a majority of time at home, extra non-physical contact can boost the energy of the people involved. It not only helps boost the energy and health of the person you contact, but also does the same for you.

 

Reaching Out

 

Often we get busy and don’t connect with friends and family as often as we plan. For many of us, this is an opportunity to reach out to friends and family more often. It is especially important for older people and people who live alone to continue to have human interaction. Thus, if you are able, contact them electronically each and every day.

 

Contacts with others do not have to require a lot of time. It can be a quick text, email, Facebook message, or other “text” style conversation. However, there is nothing like hearing someone else’s voice, especially for older people who may struggle with technology. So, if you can, give someone a quick call. Additionally, technology, such as, Skype, Zoom, and Facetime, allow you to see each other, which adds a bit more to the level of connection.

Focus of Conversations

 

You should make sure that loved ones are aware of the latest information on the situation and the steps that they should be taking. However, for the most part conversations should be fun and upbeat. Focusing on good things will help you, too.

 

Sometimes topics of discussion can be a challenge when everyone is spending time at home and haven’t been anywhere or done anything. To combat this issue, think of topics ahead of time. You can consult the World Wide Web for ideas as there are lists for everything. However, a good place to start is asking the other person about a hobby or something that they do which you know little about. For older family members, ask them about their childhood, their parents, their siblings, eras gone by, etc.

 

Staying connected is the only way to go – even with social distancing! Stay connected at a distance! Be well and help others be well!

 

 

We have a list of Resources for managing through the current situation.  They include links to official information, healing/energy work sources, online activities, educational material, tips for working from home, and much more.  Click here to access the list of Resources.

 

 

Focus on what is under your control

The world today is challenging all of us. For most of us in the United States, we are accustomed to being able to do what we want, go where we want, and live in any fashion that we choose. By standards of yesteryear and even many countries today, we live in luxury. And, most people here have never experienced restrictions on our freedom. Now, we are facing a time where restrictions limit us. In that light, each of us must focus on what we can control.

 

The Great Depression & WWII

 

The last time there were significant nationwide restrictions on Americans was during World War II. Most of the people that experienced the days of the Great Depression and WWII are no longer with us. Only the few remaining members of the Greatest Generation remember those days. It is from them that we can get some perspective on the situation we are facing today.

 

Availability of Items

 

The challenges of the Great Depression and WWII were different than the challenge we face today. Still, there are some commonalities. During the 1930s and 1940s, the government rationed items because we could not get items, such as, sugar and coffee in a big enough supply for everyone to have as much as they desired. Other items, such as, shoes were rationed to save materials for the war. An important factor is that this wasn’t for a couple of months. These restrictions went on for several years, although some were eased over time.

 

Today items, such as, toilet paper and hand sanitizer are difficult to find in stores. However, the reasons are different. It isn’t that we can’t get materials to make them or that they are needed for another reason. Instead, they are scarce because of panic buying and in some cases hoarding with the idea of profiting off of the situation.

 

The availability of most items should return to normal shortly as people see that supplies are replenished and opportunists find that selling these items more difficult than they imagined due to rules put in place by online marketplaces. To assist with the situation, stores have begun rationing the number of some items that an individual can purchase at a given time until people return to normal purchasing patterns.

 

You can’t control what is on the shelves, but you can ensure that you buy only what you need. Perhaps consider a few extra items so that you have to shop less often, but don’t over do it. Consider how long it will take you to use the items you purchase. The less we all panic buy, the less likely we will have new restrictions on our freedom to purchase items of our choosing.

 

Restaurants and Bars

 

During the war, restaurants stayed open in most areas. However, some had limited hours. Likewise, in some areas nightlife was put on hold by local governments. The reasoning being that it was wrong for people to have fun while our soldiers were risking their lives. Yet, theaters were still open and people did get a burger and fries now and then.

 

Today, restaurants and bars are closed or have limited take-out and delivery services not because it wouldn’t look right, but instead to curb the transmission of COVID-19. One huge difference is that today people eat out far more than they did 80 years ago.

 

Eating out is a habit and some people do it daily. Thus, it seems like a much bigger issue to most people today than it was in 1940. This restriction on our freedom seems to some as overwhelming. If you are one of them, I recommend learning to cook (if you don’t know how), spending time with your family, learning about something you are interested in, or doing some other home activity that you enjoy. If you are an extrovert, talk on the phone, have group chats, email, message, and use social media sites to stay in contact.

 

Businesses

 

Already gyms, restaurants, museums, theaters, and other businesses have had their doors closed or their business greatly altered by government rules. Additionally, there are rumors that some businesses will be asked (or told) to convert to making medical supplies. This type of thing did happen during WWII. Businesses had no choice. The government told them what they would be making and the timeline they had to make it.

 

We aren’t accustomed to the government dictating the closure of businesses or what businesses can and cannot do. However, the longer this outbreak goes on, the more likely business decisions will be controlled by the government. Still, it doesn’t mean that it will be forever. As WWII ramped down, businesses returned to making the products they had made before the war almost overnight. In some cases, the first new civilian products rolled off the assembly lines the same day the restriction was lifted.

 

Travel Restrictions

 

People travel much more today than they did in the 1930s and 1940s. People fly at the drop of a hat, cruise on the oceans, and drive across the country without it being a big deal. It was just a part of life up until the last few weeks when travel restrictions started being put in place.

 

Travel restrictions today are a bit different than during WWII. During WWII, people weren’t technically restricted from travel. However, gas rationing made it nearly impossible to travel. And, if you blew a tire, you probably weren’t getting a new one for a long time, as they required government approval to purchase. Likewise, you had to have government approval to purchase a car or a tractor. Fortunately, we haven’t reached that point.

 

Travel may be greatly restricted right now. So, what can we do? Travel online. Research places that you would like to someday visit, find museum collections online, share stories of previous travel, etc. Use technology to bring travel and exotic places into your life.

 

Focus On What We Can Control

 

The government may control many aspects of life, however, they don’t control everything. Thus, it is important for each of us to focus on what we can control. We cannot control that we can’t hang out at our favorite restaurant. However, if we can afford it, we can still order take out. We can also experiment with making new kinds of food, try new hobbies, etc.

 

We don’t have to allow restrictions on our freedoms to lead to negative thinking. By focusing on what is under your control, we will keep a positive mindset and make it through this situation better people than we were before. We have the Greatest Generation as our role model. Make them proud.

 

Join us March 26 as we discuss Being In Control In Uncertain Times.  The event is FREE.

 

 

Deciding to heal

 

 

By the time most people are adults they have likely encountered multiple physical, emotional, and mental struggles – a broken bone, a lost loved one, or stress over school. Most of what is experienced is temporary. Broken bones, for example, heal with time. Meanwhile, school assignments come and go, leaving a void to be filled. It is the emotional hurt that often presents the most challenges to healing.

 

Emotional trauma isn’t fleeting nor can one define how long an individual will require to heal from it. If a person doesn’t heal from grief, for example, they may suffer the rest of their lives over the loss of a parent, child, spouse, or sibling. The same is true of other types of emotional trauma, such as, a parent instilling guilt into their child in an effort to get the child to do what the parent desires.

 

Not only does emotional trauma not heal overnight, it can manifest as physical ailments. For example, some people suffer from stress headaches because they feel that they can never be good enough to meet other people’s expectations. Likewise, some people have pain in their neck and shoulders from figuratively carrying the weight of the world on their shoulder (i.e. feeling too much responsibility). Additionally, there have been some studies that correlate emotional trauma with the manifestation of illnesses, such as cancer, where the disease manifests a couple years after the person experiences trauma.

 

Making the Decision to Heal

 

There have been a number of cases where someone is diagnosed with a condition, sometimes life threatening, where the patient sets a strong intention to heal. These people may experience improvement in their health despite a dim prognosis and some may experience complete healing. Not everyone experiences miraculous healing; however, there are enough cases that show healing is possible if someone sets a true intent to heal.

 

Deciding to heal is more than a person making an implicit or explicit statement that they have decided to heal. There has to be true intent to heal that involves having the emotional desire and the belief that healing is possible coupled with taking physical actions to heal. This is true whether the condition is a physical, emotional, or mental ailment. Healing from emotional grief, for example, means that you physically return to doing some activity that you love.

 

Healing In Action

 

I personally know several people that have made an intention to heal, including myself. In my case, I had a stroke, but I simply believed I would heal. I didn’t consider any other options despite the opinions of the medical professionals. Someone else in my situation, might have just accepted the medical professionals’ opinions and given up or become depressed. However, I just ignored their prognosis and kept working to heal. Today, I am not 100% of what I was before the stroke, but I am doing far better than the doctors believed I would be.

 

In another case, an acquaintance was diagnosed with a tumor. After receiving her diagnosis, she decided to heal by using her gifts in energy healing. She was not able to completely remove the tumor. However, with her effort, the tumor shrank and moved away from critical organs, making it less risky to remove.

 

In another miraculous case, an acquaintance was nearly unable to leave her home because of multiple medical conditions. After she decided she couldn’t live that way, she started getting intuitive hints as to what to do to help her condition. She used nutrition and energy work to completely change her life. Her illness has been in remission for several years and her doctors are completely baffled.

 

Taking Shortcuts

 

In our desire to heal quickly, sometimes we attempt to take shortcuts. A person who experienced the loss of a loved one, for example, may continue their daily routines and deny the emotions they are feeling. On the surface, it may appear that the person moved quickly through the grieving process and has moved on with their life. On the inside, however, the person may be carrying around an emotional pressure cooker. A minor upset may trigger the person to explode with emotions that would seem excessive for the situation. In this case, the person did not truly heal, but simply ignored the healing process.

 

The same could be applied to physical rehab and mental health. I’m sure we all know someone who had a physical injury and returned to their activities too soon and ended up aggravating the injury. This is really what happened in the case of emotional trauma. The person returned to normal life too quickly and aggravated the trauma making it worse than it would have been had they worked through the grieving process.

 

Taking Action In Your Life

 

Survey yourself to see if there are any issues or past traumas – physical, emotional, or mental – that require healing. Recognizing there is an issue is the first step in beginning the process of true healing.

 

Now, imagine what your life would be like if you truly healed. Envision that issue completely gone from your life. If that is something that you would like to experience, you can set an intent to heal. Remember that you must have both the desire to heal and the belief that you can heal.

 

Once you are truly committed to healing, take actions for healing. Let your intuition and your heart guide you as you work toward a healthy you. With true intent and continual effort you will have the opportunity to experience a more fulfilling and joyful life.

 

The Art of Forgiveness

 

 

It is easy to gripe and complain about everything from work to family stresses to world politics. However, it is much more gratifying to seek out the good in everyone and everything along your path. It is easy to say, “But, so many things really are wrong with the world” or “Nobody gives good service” or “This person isn’t pulling their weight.” All of these things may be true, but seeing all the negative in the world serves no purpose.

 

Implications

 

This does not imply in any way that you do something reckless. You can’t  just assume the other person is a good person. You still need to be aware of your surroundings and follow your intuition about people and situations. However, it does directly imply that you should look for a speck of optimism in the most hopeless situations.  Likewise, your should find something positive to hold onto in everything – even bad experiences.

 

Experimenting

 

Try experimenting with looking for something good, positive, or optimistic. Start with simple easy situations. When a restaurant’s service is slow, don’t grumble and complain. Instead, realize that you are being given time to enjoy your companions. Alternately, if you are alone, you can spend the time relaxing. 

 

If you are in a rush and this happens, realize that you may be getting the message to slow down. You can also consider that perhaps you are learning that this restaurant is not a place to go for a quick meal, which may be useful information in the future.

 

Likewise, try giving a positive word or a smile to people that you encounter. Smiling and saying, “Hello” costs no more than scowling and ignoring people. That word or smile may make the other person’s day and it is guaranteed that acting in a negative way will do nothing to benefit anyone – especially you.

 

Additionally, notice small things (and big things) that people do – mowing the lawn, helping with a problem, cooking dinner, or taking out the trash. These are all positive things in the world. When you really look for the positive, the world changes into a much better place than it seems if you let all the negativity overwhelm you.

 

Transformation

 

As you find more and more positive things in the world, you may find yourself transforming from a critic to a cheerleader. You will find yourself expressing gratitude more often, you will be on the receiving end of more smiles, and will find more and more positive things in the world. Most of all, when you replace a negative thought, action, or word with a positive one, your energy level is raised and your heart is satisfied.

 

behind the facade

 

 

As a child, my mother insisted that we keep the drapes closed at all times. I assume she was worried about protecting the family since she was a single working mother. My dad had died just after my sixth birthday. Therefore, I don’t really remember if she had a similar concern when he was alive.

 

All I know is that she never wanted anyone to see into the house. This became readily apparent one beautiful day when I dared to open the living room drapes. I was severely reprimanded as soon as my mom arrived home.

 

Of course, she also never wanted to be seen by anyone when she wasn’t looking her best. I assumed it was partially because she wanted to be attractive to men. Thus, she was always looking her best when she went anywhere.

 

Others Are Judging

 

Later, I realized that these behaviors were tied, in part, to her belief that she knew how others were judging her. Thus, she felt compelled to show people what she thought they wanted to see so that they would think highly of her. She was concerned with what others thought of her and made sure to show them what she believed they wanted to see. When she wasn’t prepared to show that image, she wanted to remain hidden.

 

I believe everyone does this to some extent.  Most of us put on our best business look for job interviews, are just a bit sweeter than normal when talking to a new love interest, and act a bit different at church than at home. However, there are those that rarely show their authentic self. Instead, they hide behind a façade of what they think people want to see. Those are the ones that are perpetually disconnected.

 

Some of those people end up feeling as if they have lost their identity. They may go through life without ever acknowledging their own value. These types of people constantly put others first and are often everyone’s go to person when they need something. Yet, these people often do not feel valued.

 

Hiding The True Self

 

Other people hide behind the façade as an escape from reality. For instance, a woman may not feel beautiful, thus, she will over-beautify herself. Similarly, a man may feel that he isn’t as good a provider as he believes he should be. In that situation, he may exaggerate his job responsibilities and income.

 

Others have, for one reason or another, come to believe that others’ views of them is critically important to their success and worth to society. These people often create judgments of themselves and attribute them to others. If they actually bothered to have a conversation and learn about other people’s perspectives, they might learn that the people that they are trying so hard to impress, don’t actually have the judgments that they believe they do.

 

Being Authentic

 

A person needs to show their authentic self in order to connect. Hiding behind facades prevents true connections.

 

In our next article “To Judge and Be Judged,” we will discuss the phenomena of people that judge they are being judged.