who is judging whom

 

In our previous article “Behind the Façade,” we discussed how people often hide their authentic self. This article will further investigate those who changed their façade based on their judgment of other people’s judgment of themselves.

 

When people become focused on how they believe others are judging them, they give away their personal power. Often the other person doesn’t even know that they have been given this power because they aren’t actually judging the person and may not have even noticed them.

 

Questions

 

When someone tells me that someone else is judging them, I typically ask a few questions. My first response generally is, “Why do you care?” In some cases, the answer to this question is obvious. However, in the case of a stranger or acquaintance who is not closely connected to the person, the answer is less clear.

 

Another question I ask is, “What made you jump to the conclusion that they are judging you?” The answer to this question is rarely satisfactory to me. It is something they perceive, but is often not tangible.

 

Who Is Doing The Judging?

 

In reality, if the other person has not directly stated a judgment, these people are judging the other person. However, I don’t believe most are aware of their own judgment.   It is in some ways a self-judgment and in other ways a judgment of the other person. It is possible that they believe they should look or act a certain way, but instead of owning it, they project it onto someone else. Alternately, they are judging the other person as someone who believes others should look and act a certain way.

 

For these people that see themselves through the eyes of others, I have to wonder how their life would change if they stopped projecting their judgment onto others.  It would clearly change. We must stay somewhat within cultural norms. Yet, at some point we need to be our true selves and not define our value on how we believe others perceive us.

 

So, when you start to believe that others are judging you then question yourself, “Are they really judging me, or am I judging them?”

 

behind the facade

 

 

As a child, my mother insisted that we keep the drapes closed at all times. I assume she was worried about protecting the family since she was a single working mother. My dad had died just after my sixth birthday. Therefore, I don’t really remember if she had a similar concern when he was alive.

 

All I know is that she never wanted anyone to see into the house. This became readily apparent one beautiful day when I dared to open the living room drapes. I was severely reprimanded as soon as my mom arrived home.

 

Of course, she also never wanted to be seen by anyone when she wasn’t looking her best. I assumed it was partially because she wanted to be attractive to men. Thus, she was always looking her best when she went anywhere.

 

Others Are Judging

 

Later, I realized that these behaviors were tied, in part, to her belief that she knew how others were judging her. Thus, she felt compelled to show people what she thought they wanted to see so that they would think highly of her. She was concerned with what others thought of her and made sure to show them what she believed they wanted to see. When she wasn’t prepared to show that image, she wanted to remain hidden.

 

I believe everyone does this to some extent.  Most of us put on our best business look for job interviews, are just a bit sweeter than normal when talking to a new love interest, and act a bit different at church than at home. However, there are those that rarely show their authentic self. Instead, they hide behind a façade of what they think people want to see. Those are the ones that are perpetually disconnected.

 

Some of those people end up feeling as if they have lost their identity. They may go through life without ever acknowledging their own value. These types of people constantly put others first and are often everyone’s go to person when they need something. Yet, these people often do not feel valued.

 

Hiding The True Self

 

Other people hide behind the façade as an escape from reality. For instance, a woman may not feel beautiful, thus, she will over-beautify herself. Similarly, a man may feel that he isn’t as good a provider as he believes he should be. In that situation, he may exaggerate his job responsibilities and income.

 

Others have, for one reason or another, come to believe that others’ views of them is critically important to their success and worth to society. These people often create judgments of themselves and attribute them to others. If they actually bothered to have a conversation and learn about other people’s perspectives, they might learn that the people that they are trying so hard to impress, don’t actually have the judgments that they believe they do.

 

Being Authentic

 

A person needs to show their authentic self in order to connect. Hiding behind facades prevents true connections.

 

In our next article “To Judge and Be Judged,” we will discuss the phenomena of people that judge they are being judged.

 

synchronous thoughts

 

Synchronous Thoughts

 

Have you ever noticed multiple people or companies having the same idea at approximately the same time? A famous example of synchronous thoughts is the development of the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell and Elisha Gray developed a telephone independent of each other.  However, they submitted patent applications for the telephone to the U.S. Patent Office on the same day.

 

The same or similar ideas arriving at the patent office close together is not uncommon. This is why the patent office added a requirement that inventors document when they initially conceive of an idea. Otherwise, it was simply a race to arrive at the patent office first.

 

My Experience

 

Having the same ideas as others is a normal experience for me. I’ve had numerous ideas that popped into my head that became commercial products or were patented by others within a few years. Ring (home security system) is such an example. Several years ago, I had the idea of using web cams, which could alert your cell phone, to monitor your home security. Today, the Ring system has a solution that is very much aligned with my idea.

 

Having seen similar ideas show up at approximately the same time many times, makes me wonder why this occurs. Some of these coincidences can be explained by a market need. In this case, multiple people expand the use of known concepts and technologies to create products and solutions.

 

How Do You Explain That?

 

There are other concepts, however, that seem to pop-up around the world seemingly without an explanation. Pyramids, for example, exist in different parts of the world. They vary in structure, but are overall very similar. Yet, there is no explanation as to how these massive structures were conceived by several independent civilizations that are believed to have had no means to communicate with each other.

 

Clearly there is something more at work here than people sharing ideas or evolving existing ideas into something new. Whatever is the source of this phenomenon, one of the purposes it serves or side effects of it appears to be injecting ideas into society.

 

Bringing Thoughts To Life

 

Once a thought originates somewhere in the Universe, the ideas take on a life of its own wandering through the consciousness until people act upon it. Even people that simply think about the idea are unknowingly assisting in making it a reality as their thoughts are blowing life into it. Eventually, the energy is overpowering and someone takes a risk and acts upon the idea to make it a reality.

 

Just think, if we all shared our ideas with the world immediately and openly and the world was willing to listen and act, so much more would be able to be achieved. Inevitably the world would become a better place.

 

 

 

The other day, my wife and I were in a Mexican restaurant and I was searching their extensive menu for something different to eat. Not remembering what a chili relleno was, I asked my wife to describe it. She told me the primary ingredients and suggested that I pick something else, which I did.

 

A few days later, Pioneer Woman was on during my lunch break. Ree was making her version of a chili relleno. My wife said, “See that’s a chili relleno” with the caveat that it was being made differently than what you’d get in a Mexican restaurant. It was sufficient, however, to confirm that I made the right choice the other day in choosing something different from the menu.

 

The Center Lane

 

Throughout the years my family members and I have received answers to questions seemingly through synchronicity. One of my earliest memories of this phenomenon occurred when I was young and riding in the backseat of my uncle’s car.

 

My uncle was driving in the center lane of the interstate through Omaha, Nebraska. My brother asked, “What happens if a car in the right lane changes into the center lane at the same time as a car in the left lane changes into the center lane?” As if on cue, two cars ahead of us tried to change into the center lane at the same time. Fortunately, one or both realized this and retreated to their original lanes. My uncle commented, “Well, I guess that answers your question!”

 

Questions And Answers

 

Many of my questions are relatively insignificant, such as the chili relleno example. However, synchronistic answers can come for meaningful questions as well. These answers are often obvious, but can be overlooked if I am not paying attention.

 

The timing of the answers is not predictable. Sometimes the answers come only moments after asking the question, as was the case when my brother asked about the cars changing into the same lane. However, other answers are delayed until later that day or several days later, like the chili relleno question. In other cases, the answer may not come for some time, but it usually sticks out like a sore thumb when it does arrive. Still, it is amazing the frequency the answer appears relatively soon after asking the question.

 

The Chicken Or The Egg

 

I don’t know if the question surfaces in my mind in anticipation of something happening in the future or if the answer comes because the question was asked. Understanding what is at work in the universe in this situation is a great dilemma. Perhaps I am picking up on future events. Thus, I noticed the chili relleno on the menu when I had never thought to ask about it before. Alternatively, it could be that the universe steered me to turn on the TV at just the right time so that I could get the answer to my question.

 

Dare To Ask

 

Regardless, there definitely seems to be a connection to the question being asked and the answer being received. It seems particularly true when those questions are spoken out loud. It is like the universe is listening and waiting to answer questions for anyone who dares to ask.

 

Just think of the wonderful things we could accomplish if everyone started asking questions about how humans could bring peace and unity throughout the world. The universe just might deliver remarkable answers!

 

 

 

 

There is a local restaurant where my wife and I occasionally dine. A nice feature of this restaurant is that they allow you to create custom salads and entrees from a list of ingredients. We often create salads, choosing the greens, toppings, and dressing.

 

Creating custom salads and entrees is a bit more challenging for kitchen staff because they don’t know what is right because they have made it a thousand times. Instead, each time is unique. This requires having a process to ensure that the food items are created per their customers’ requests.

 

Some of their locations seem to do this well. Unfortunately, at the location closest to our home, they seem to have a difficult time making my salad according to my specifications. And, if mine is correct, it seems someone else’s meal has an error.

 

Expectations

 

I have come to expect that they will make mistakes when making my salad. Even when it appears that they’ve made it correctly, I usually spend the entire time looking for the mistake. If there isn’t one, I will still find a flaw. I might say something like, “Well, it has all the right ingredients but they put too much salad dressing on the salad.” I try to mold reality into meeting my expectations..

 

The restaurant is usually good about fixing the mistakes. However, the errors are annoying because the rhythm of the dining experience is thrown off. My entrée sometimes ends up arriving before I get the correct salad. Other times, one person is eating while the other is waiting.

 

Connecting

 

After this happened several times, I wondered if there was a connection between my expectations and the errors occurring in the kitchen. As such, I tried setting expectations beforehand that the kitchen staff would correctly make my salad. This seemed to help improve, but not completely eliminate, the issues with my meal.

 

Positive Expectations

 

It does make me question, however, how much my expectations result in self-fulfilling prophecies. Thus, I started working on setting positive expectations to see if I could observe results from my expectations. Recently, I have focused on positive expectations regarding close parking spaces and avoiding traffic congestion. So far, having these positive expectations seem to help me be successful in achieving my intent.

 

It doesn’t really matter if I am actually experiencing these positive results or it’s just my perception. By connecting these positive expectations with my results, I am creating a healthy self-fulfilling prophecy. As I expand these positive expectations to the rest of my life, I can experience a major life shift.

 

 

 

 

Manifestation is all the rage these days. There is lots of talk about how our thoughts create reality. We are to push aside all negative thought and focus with intent on the good things we want in our lives.

 

On the other hand, people seem to know things are going to happen before they happen or minimally have impressions of things that later happen. In these cases, people aren’t attempting to manifest, but seem to know what is manifesting.

 

The Chicken or the Egg?

 

The question on the table is “Which comes first, the thought or the manifestation?” It really is a bit like the chicken and egg quandary. Does it have to be a thought in order to manifest? Or, does it have to begin to manifest (at least energetically) to create the thought?

 

I could make arguments on both sides of this debate. For instance, consider a very unusual accident where the experts say that the chances of such a thing happening are so low they can’t even calculate them. I could argue that no one would have likely ever considered such a situation. And, they certainly would never have attempted to manifest the accident.

 

On the flip side, I might argue that although unusual, designers might have considered if it is possible. Alternately, someone might have thought that the person involved in the accident seemed very accident-prone and subject to the unusual happening. In these cases, the thought was flying around in the universe with lots of leeway as to how to manifest.

 

Since everything a person ever experienced makes them who they are, all of the energy of their experiences is online for manifesting things in the future. Additionally, every thought that they ever had is also online for manifesting things in the future.

 

For those of that believe in life contracts and life plans, there is another entire layer of energy that is directing things toward particular challenges and outcomes. That energy intertwines with or supersedes thoughts and general manifestation energy. Thus, further complicating the question as to which comes first.

 

Be Positive

 

All that is clear is that having positive thoughts, positive intentions, and taking positive actions are the only things people can do to manifest the life of their dreams. The energy may already be online and possibly the positive outcomes would occur without thoughts, action, and intention on the person’s part. But, then again, maybe it wouldn’t.