Deciding to heal

 

 

By the time most people are adults they have likely encountered multiple physical, emotional, and mental struggles – a broken bone, a lost loved one, or stress over school. Most of what is experienced is temporary. Broken bones, for example, heal with time. Meanwhile, school assignments come and go, leaving a void to be filled. It is the emotional hurt that often presents the most challenges to healing.

 

Emotional trauma isn’t fleeting nor can one define how long an individual will require to heal from it. If a person doesn’t heal from grief, for example, they may suffer the rest of their lives over the loss of a parent, child, spouse, or sibling. The same is true of other types of emotional trauma, such as, a parent instilling guilt into their child in an effort to get the child to do what the parent desires.

 

Not only does emotional trauma not heal overnight, it can manifest as physical ailments. For example, some people suffer from stress headaches because they feel that they can never be good enough to meet other people’s expectations. Likewise, some people have pain in their neck and shoulders from figuratively carrying the weight of the world on their shoulder (i.e. feeling too much responsibility). Additionally, there have been some studies that correlate emotional trauma with the manifestation of illnesses, such as cancer, where the disease manifests a couple years after the person experiences trauma.

 

Making the Decision to Heal

 

There have been a number of cases where someone is diagnosed with a condition, sometimes life threatening, where the patient sets a strong intention to heal. These people may experience improvement in their health despite a dim prognosis and some may experience complete healing. Not everyone experiences miraculous healing; however, there are enough cases that show healing is possible if someone sets a true intent to heal.

 

Deciding to heal is more than a person making an implicit or explicit statement that they have decided to heal. There has to be true intent to heal that involves having the emotional desire and the belief that healing is possible coupled with taking physical actions to heal. This is true whether the condition is a physical, emotional, or mental ailment. Healing from emotional grief, for example, means that you physically return to doing some activity that you love.

 

Healing In Action

 

I personally know several people that have made an intention to heal, including myself. In my case, I had a stroke, but I simply believed I would heal. I didn’t consider any other options despite the opinions of the medical professionals. Someone else in my situation, might have just accepted the medical professionals’ opinions and given up or become depressed. However, I just ignored their prognosis and kept working to heal. Today, I am not 100% of what I was before the stroke, but I am doing far better than the doctors believed I would be.

 

In another case, an acquaintance was diagnosed with a tumor. After receiving her diagnosis, she decided to heal by using her gifts in energy healing. She was not able to completely remove the tumor. However, with her effort, the tumor shrank and moved away from critical organs, making it less risky to remove.

 

In another miraculous case, an acquaintance was nearly unable to leave her home because of multiple medical conditions. After she decided she couldn’t live that way, she started getting intuitive hints as to what to do to help her condition. She used nutrition and energy work to completely change her life. Her illness has been in remission for several years and her doctors are completely baffled.

 

Taking Shortcuts

 

In our desire to heal quickly, sometimes we attempt to take shortcuts. A person who experienced the loss of a loved one, for example, may continue their daily routines and deny the emotions they are feeling. On the surface, it may appear that the person moved quickly through the grieving process and has moved on with their life. On the inside, however, the person may be carrying around an emotional pressure cooker. A minor upset may trigger the person to explode with emotions that would seem excessive for the situation. In this case, the person did not truly heal, but simply ignored the healing process.

 

The same could be applied to physical rehab and mental health. I’m sure we all know someone who had a physical injury and returned to their activities too soon and ended up aggravating the injury. This is really what happened in the case of emotional trauma. The person returned to normal life too quickly and aggravated the trauma making it worse than it would have been had they worked through the grieving process.

 

Taking Action In Your Life

 

Survey yourself to see if there are any issues or past traumas – physical, emotional, or mental – that require healing. Recognizing there is an issue is the first step in beginning the process of true healing.

 

Now, imagine what your life would be like if you truly healed. Envision that issue completely gone from your life. If that is something that you would like to experience, you can set an intent to heal. Remember that you must have both the desire to heal and the belief that you can heal.

 

Once you are truly committed to healing, take actions for healing. Let your intuition and your heart guide you as you work toward a healthy you. With true intent and continual effort you will have the opportunity to experience a more fulfilling and joyful life.

 

Making A Difference: The little thing

 

 

You may be familiar with the book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and it is all small stuff” by Richard Carlson. In that book, the author describes one hundred techniques (or thought processes) to get through your day with less anxiety and stress. These techniques vary broadly covering everything from choosing your battles to imagining your own funeral.

 

Focus On The Important

 

The ideas behind these techniques are to get you to focus on the important things instead of letting little things take over your life.

 

In his book he talks about smiling at strangers and performing random acts of kindness. Each of these things could be classified as “small stuff.” However, these aren’t things to sweat, but things to do to bring joy into someone else’s life and ultimately your own.

 

Small Things Make A Difference

 

It is these very small acts that can make a difference in the world. Consider, if every person on the planet replaced even one snippy remark, aggressive action, or unkind word with a positive loving action each day. It would totally change the world!

We can’t likely get everyone around the globe to participate, but we can lead by example. Smiling and showing interest in other people is one of my favorites. It doesn’t cost even one second to smile.

 

And, it takes very little time to inquire as to how someone is doing. It is important, however, that when you inquire you should actually care about the other person’s answer. Do not be like many cashiers at grocery and big box stores who inquire as to if you found everything, but who have no course of action if you did not. You need to be prepared to provide kind supporting words or assistance if necessary.

 

Other simple ideas are to hold a door for someone, carry something for them, help them with their child, or offer to let someone go ahead of you in line. None of these cost money and most of them cost very little time.

 

Other relatively low cost ways to make someone’s day include: making or buying someone a card, taking treats or a meal to a neighbor, buying a box of Girl Scout cookies, or paying for someone’s meal.

 

Doing Something Bigger

 

Occasionally, you will have an opportunity to do something a bit bigger directly for someone. This may be someone in trouble or someone that has fallen on hard times.

 

One example of an opportunity that came my way was a man and his school-age son who stopped at our house one day. They told us that they needed some additional money to pay for school supplies and other school expenses. They didn’t ask for a handout, but simply asked if there was any work they could do to earn some money. We were happy to oblige. We had some yard work that we could have done ourselves, but instead we gave them the opportunity to earn some cash. Even better, the son had the opportunity to learn about the value of work. It was a huge win for everyone!

 

You Can Always Make An Impact

 

You may not have an opportunity like that every day or you may not be able to assist someone in that way due to your own finances. However, there are always small ways to make a positive impact in other people’s lives. Try to do something positive every day – even if it is simply posting something positive on Facebook. You never know how one simple act might change someone’s life!

 

Acting from the heart

 

 

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the daily grind. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Go to bed. In this mode, we are simply doing; not living.

 

We get in this mode because life is hectic. It is easy to do what our parents, culture, and influential people have taught us to do without really thinking. We even convince ourselves that we are making our own decisions and truly living. All the while, our actions indicate we have been programmed and are running on autopilot.

 

Simply Existing

 

When in this mode, we simply exist. Our actions have little power and it is often all we can do to care for our family and ourselves. Even though we love our family and friends, we may have trouble putting our energy into our relationship with them. The same is true when trying to help others. Often we are doing only what we believe we are supposed to do.

 

Acting From The Heart

 

In contrast, when we get out of the rut and allow ourselves to act from our heart, our energy is boundless. We begin to truly consider what is important and to base our decisions on our own beliefs instead of someone else’s. Our actions become authentic rather than automatic. In turn, our relationships blossom and become more authentic.

 

When we spend time with people, it is because we truly want to spent time with them. Likewise, when we help someone or invest our time or money in a cause, it is because we truly feel strongly about helping that organization. Simply helping because we believe that we are supposed to help people or organizations of that nature will not be as rewarding.

 

When we act from our heart, we are far more satisfied with our life than if we took the very same actions while on autopilot. Being heart-centered opens us up to both joy and healing. It allows us to grow as a person and provides a pathway to healing. Any traumas of the past – emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual – are more likely to heal when we act from out heart.

 

What Is Driving Your Actions?

 

So, ask yourself, “Are you are truly acting from your heart or are you on autopilot?” Consider your actions at all times including when you are doing good and caring for others. If you find that you are on autopilot more often than not, consider a change. Take some time to consider who you really are. Then ask yourself, “What is most important to me?” Once you’ve identified your priorities, act from the heart to honor those things that are most important. You just might find that you love yourself for doing it.

 

Don't Be Pushed Around

 

Have you ever found yourself doing things that you really didn’t want to do just because someone else wouldn’t stop insisting? I am not talking about the time you went to a chick flick with your wife or significant other because she wanted to go. Likewise, I am not talking about the time she agreed to put together a bunch of snacks so you could chill with your friends and watch the game. Those activities are a part of compromising and maintaining a good relationship.

 

Wearing You Down

 

What I am talking about are things that you do because someone simply wears you down. It can be as simple as someone offering you ice cream. You say, “No.” The person replies, “Are you sure you don’t want some?” and you again decline. After declining several times, people will often finally accept the ice cream just to get the other person to stop asking.

 

There are multiple problems with giving in to quiet the person. First, you end up eating ice cream that you don’t want. Second, you lose personal power and the connection to your own desires. Third, the other person learns that all they have to do is keep insisting and you will do what they want. Therefore, this becomes a pattern and they will do it again and again.

 

It Escalates

 

Once a person successfully uses this technique with you, it almost always escalates to bigger sacrifices on your part. A work example is when someone very kindly asks you to take on a piece of their work although your workload is as heavy or heavier than theirs. They may try to soften it with “just this time” or give you a story as to why they need you to step up.

 

You have to carefully consider the request. If it is someone who gives it their all and this is truly an exception, by all means step up and help if you can. However, if you suspect the person is trying to get out of work and may even take credit for the work even if you do it, say “No” and be firm about it.

 

Be Consistent And Don’t Give In

 

If you give in – even if you make them ask 100 times, the end result is you gave in. No has to mean “No” and stay “No.” If “No” turns into a “Yes” somewhere along the way, then the person thinks that every “No” in the future can likely be changed into a “Yes.” They may go as far as to assume that your “No” really is a “Yes” and may not even make the effort to get you to say “Yes.”

 

Once you start doing things for someone like this, watch out because soon you will be doing more and more of their work. It is also unlikely that they will give you any credit for the effort. In the meantime, your work or your personal time will take a hit leaving you dissatisfied.

 

Your Life

 

The next time someone is trying to wear you down, remember that you are answering for yourself; not for what they want. If you connect to your desires and honor what you truly want, in an authentic way, you are doing the best thing you can for yourself.

 

It is your decision and no one else has a right to decide for you. If you allow someone to change your “No” to a “Yes,” you essentially allow that person to define who you are.

 

So, gather your courage, connect to what you truly believe is best for you, and stand firm in your response. It is your life – not theirs!

 

 

The Art of Forgiveness

 

 

It is easy to gripe and complain about everything from work to family stresses to world politics. However, it is much more gratifying to seek out the good in everyone and everything along your path. It is easy to say, “But, so many things really are wrong with the world” or “Nobody gives good service” or “This person isn’t pulling their weight.” All of these things may be true, but seeing all the negative in the world serves no purpose.

 

Implications

 

This does not imply in any way that you do something reckless. You can’t  just assume the other person is a good person. You still need to be aware of your surroundings and follow your intuition about people and situations. However, it does directly imply that you should look for a speck of optimism in the most hopeless situations.  Likewise, your should find something positive to hold onto in everything – even bad experiences.

 

Experimenting

 

Try experimenting with looking for something good, positive, or optimistic. Start with simple easy situations. When a restaurant’s service is slow, don’t grumble and complain. Instead, realize that you are being given time to enjoy your companions. Alternately, if you are alone, you can spend the time relaxing. 

 

If you are in a rush and this happens, realize that you may be getting the message to slow down. You can also consider that perhaps you are learning that this restaurant is not a place to go for a quick meal, which may be useful information in the future.

 

Likewise, try giving a positive word or a smile to people that you encounter. Smiling and saying, “Hello” costs no more than scowling and ignoring people. That word or smile may make the other person’s day and it is guaranteed that acting in a negative way will do nothing to benefit anyone – especially you.

 

Additionally, notice small things (and big things) that people do – mowing the lawn, helping with a problem, cooking dinner, or taking out the trash. These are all positive things in the world. When you really look for the positive, the world changes into a much better place than it seems if you let all the negativity overwhelm you.

 

Transformation

 

As you find more and more positive things in the world, you may find yourself transforming from a critic to a cheerleader. You will find yourself expressing gratitude more often, you will be on the receiving end of more smiles, and will find more and more positive things in the world. Most of all, when you replace a negative thought, action, or word with a positive one, your energy level is raised and your heart is satisfied.

 

who is judging whom

 

In our previous article “Behind the Façade,” we discussed how people often hide their authentic self. This article will further investigate those who changed their façade based on their judgment of other people’s judgment of themselves.

 

When people become focused on how they believe others are judging them, they give away their personal power. Often the other person doesn’t even know that they have been given this power because they aren’t actually judging the person and may not have even noticed them.

 

Questions

 

When someone tells me that someone else is judging them, I typically ask a few questions. My first response generally is, “Why do you care?” In some cases, the answer to this question is obvious. However, in the case of a stranger or acquaintance who is not closely connected to the person, the answer is less clear.

 

Another question I ask is, “What made you jump to the conclusion that they are judging you?” The answer to this question is rarely satisfactory to me. It is something they perceive, but is often not tangible.

 

Who Is Doing The Judging?

 

In reality, if the other person has not directly stated a judgment, these people are judging the other person. However, I don’t believe most are aware of their own judgment.   It is in some ways a self-judgment and in other ways a judgment of the other person. It is possible that they believe they should look or act a certain way, but instead of owning it, they project it onto someone else. Alternately, they are judging the other person as someone who believes others should look and act a certain way.

 

For these people that see themselves through the eyes of others, I have to wonder how their life would change if they stopped projecting their judgment onto others.  It would clearly change. We must stay somewhat within cultural norms. Yet, at some point we need to be our true selves and not define our value on how we believe others perceive us.

 

So, when you start to believe that others are judging you then question yourself, “Are they really judging me, or am I judging them?”

 

behind the facade

 

 

As a child, my mother insisted that we keep the drapes closed at all times. I assume she was worried about protecting the family since she was a single working mother. My dad had died just after my sixth birthday. Therefore, I don’t really remember if she had a similar concern when he was alive.

 

All I know is that she never wanted anyone to see into the house. This became readily apparent one beautiful day when I dared to open the living room drapes. I was severely reprimanded as soon as my mom arrived home.

 

Of course, she also never wanted to be seen by anyone when she wasn’t looking her best. I assumed it was partially because she wanted to be attractive to men. Thus, she was always looking her best when she went anywhere.

 

Others Are Judging

 

Later, I realized that these behaviors were tied, in part, to her belief that she knew how others were judging her. Thus, she felt compelled to show people what she thought they wanted to see so that they would think highly of her. She was concerned with what others thought of her and made sure to show them what she believed they wanted to see. When she wasn’t prepared to show that image, she wanted to remain hidden.

 

I believe everyone does this to some extent.  Most of us put on our best business look for job interviews, are just a bit sweeter than normal when talking to a new love interest, and act a bit different at church than at home. However, there are those that rarely show their authentic self. Instead, they hide behind a façade of what they think people want to see. Those are the ones that are perpetually disconnected.

 

Some of those people end up feeling as if they have lost their identity. They may go through life without ever acknowledging their own value. These types of people constantly put others first and are often everyone’s go to person when they need something. Yet, these people often do not feel valued.

 

Hiding The True Self

 

Other people hide behind the façade as an escape from reality. For instance, a woman may not feel beautiful, thus, she will over-beautify herself. Similarly, a man may feel that he isn’t as good a provider as he believes he should be. In that situation, he may exaggerate his job responsibilities and income.

 

Others have, for one reason or another, come to believe that others’ views of them is critically important to their success and worth to society. These people often create judgments of themselves and attribute them to others. If they actually bothered to have a conversation and learn about other people’s perspectives, they might learn that the people that they are trying so hard to impress, don’t actually have the judgments that they believe they do.

 

Being Authentic

 

A person needs to show their authentic self in order to connect. Hiding behind facades prevents true connections.

 

In our next article “To Judge and Be Judged,” we will discuss the phenomena of people that judge they are being judged.

 

synchronous thoughts

 

Synchronous Thoughts

 

Have you ever noticed multiple people or companies having the same idea at approximately the same time? A famous example of synchronous thoughts is the development of the telephone. Alexander Graham Bell and Elisha Gray developed a telephone independent of each other.  However, they submitted patent applications for the telephone to the U.S. Patent Office on the same day.

 

The same or similar ideas arriving at the patent office close together is not uncommon. This is why the patent office added a requirement that inventors document when they initially conceive of an idea. Otherwise, it was simply a race to arrive at the patent office first.

 

My Experience

 

Having the same ideas as others is a normal experience for me. I’ve had numerous ideas that popped into my head that became commercial products or were patented by others within a few years. Ring (home security system) is such an example. Several years ago, I had the idea of using web cams, which could alert your cell phone, to monitor your home security. Today, the Ring system has a solution that is very much aligned with my idea.

 

Having seen similar ideas show up at approximately the same time many times, makes me wonder why this occurs. Some of these coincidences can be explained by a market need. In this case, multiple people expand the use of known concepts and technologies to create products and solutions.

 

How Do You Explain That?

 

There are other concepts, however, that seem to pop-up around the world seemingly without an explanation. Pyramids, for example, exist in different parts of the world. They vary in structure, but are overall very similar. Yet, there is no explanation as to how these massive structures were conceived by several independent civilizations that are believed to have had no means to communicate with each other.

 

Clearly there is something more at work here than people sharing ideas or evolving existing ideas into something new. Whatever is the source of this phenomenon, one of the purposes it serves or side effects of it appears to be injecting ideas into society.

 

Bringing Thoughts To Life

 

Once a thought originates somewhere in the Universe, the ideas take on a life of its own wandering through the consciousness until people act upon it. Even people that simply think about the idea are unknowingly assisting in making it a reality as their thoughts are blowing life into it. Eventually, the energy is overpowering and someone takes a risk and acts upon the idea to make it a reality.

 

Just think, if we all shared our ideas with the world immediately and openly and the world was willing to listen and act, so much more would be able to be achieved. Inevitably the world would become a better place.

 

Defining Success

 

 

I recently read Time Magazine’s article, “I Raised Two CEOs and a Doctor. These Are My Secrets to Parenting Successful Children.” It was an excerpt from Esther Wojcicki’s new book How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results.

 

Two CEOs and a Doctor

 

Esther’s daughter Susan is the CEO of YouTube while Anne is the CEO of 23andMe. Meanwhile Janet is a professor and researcher. Esther and her husband are both educators, having met at UC Berkley. Clearly, the entire family is quite accomplished.

 

Although I haven’t read her book, the article mentions teaching children trust, respect, independence, collaboration, and kindness. I agree that all of these attributes lead to well-adjusted adults and I am sure played a significant part in her daughters’ lives.

 

School Connections

 

The article, however, does not mention other key factors in raising children to become CEOs. It helps greatly when you have the means and connections to attend schools like Stanford, Harvard, and Yale. The education is not the most valuable attribute of these schools; it is the connections. The connections you gain at these schools and the image associated with these schools are what helps you leap to the top of the business world.

 

Opportunity and connection play a huge part in success as described in this article. Personally, I would rather Esther had written a book about how to raise your children to be healthy, well-adjusted adults. To me, that is being successful as a parent.

 

Success?

 

Being a CEO isn’t necessarily being successful. Yes, it is making lots of money and if that is your definition of success, then it is equivalent to success. However, the person isn’t always happy or well-adjusted. On the flip side, thousands of people are very successful in their lives without ever seeing the inside of a corner office.

 

Defining success as being well-adjusted, working hard, and doing your best includes so many more people that CEOs. Stay-at-home moms who raise amazing kids are absolutely as successful as a CEO. The same can be said of millions of men and women in a variety of other jobs.

 

You can be successful no matter your life circumstances. It is all about the person you choose to be, not your occupation.

 

 

 

 

 

The other day, my wife and I were in a Mexican restaurant and I was searching their extensive menu for something different to eat. Not remembering what a chili relleno was, I asked my wife to describe it. She told me the primary ingredients and suggested that I pick something else, which I did.

 

A few days later, Pioneer Woman was on during my lunch break. Ree was making her version of a chili relleno. My wife said, “See that’s a chili relleno” with the caveat that it was being made differently than what you’d get in a Mexican restaurant. It was sufficient, however, to confirm that I made the right choice the other day in choosing something different from the menu.

 

The Center Lane

 

Throughout the years my family members and I have received answers to questions seemingly through synchronicity. One of my earliest memories of this phenomenon occurred when I was young and riding in the backseat of my uncle’s car.

 

My uncle was driving in the center lane of the interstate through Omaha, Nebraska. My brother asked, “What happens if a car in the right lane changes into the center lane at the same time as a car in the left lane changes into the center lane?” As if on cue, two cars ahead of us tried to change into the center lane at the same time. Fortunately, one or both realized this and retreated to their original lanes. My uncle commented, “Well, I guess that answers your question!”

 

Questions And Answers

 

Many of my questions are relatively insignificant, such as the chili relleno example. However, synchronistic answers can come for meaningful questions as well. These answers are often obvious, but can be overlooked if I am not paying attention.

 

The timing of the answers is not predictable. Sometimes the answers come only moments after asking the question, as was the case when my brother asked about the cars changing into the same lane. However, other answers are delayed until later that day or several days later, like the chili relleno question. In other cases, the answer may not come for some time, but it usually sticks out like a sore thumb when it does arrive. Still, it is amazing the frequency the answer appears relatively soon after asking the question.

 

The Chicken Or The Egg

 

I don’t know if the question surfaces in my mind in anticipation of something happening in the future or if the answer comes because the question was asked. Understanding what is at work in the universe in this situation is a great dilemma. Perhaps I am picking up on future events. Thus, I noticed the chili relleno on the menu when I had never thought to ask about it before. Alternatively, it could be that the universe steered me to turn on the TV at just the right time so that I could get the answer to my question.

 

Dare To Ask

 

Regardless, there definitely seems to be a connection to the question being asked and the answer being received. It seems particularly true when those questions are spoken out loud. It is like the universe is listening and waiting to answer questions for anyone who dares to ask.

 

Just think of the wonderful things we could accomplish if everyone started asking questions about how humans could bring peace and unity throughout the world. The universe just might deliver remarkable answers!